Lacklustre Video

As you may have read yesterday, Blockbuster Inc. announced it is eliminating late fees on all its video tapes, DVDs and video games as of January 1st, 2005. However, customers will be given a one-week grace period to return the product.

After that grace period ends, Blockbuster will automatically sell them the product, minus the rental fee, and send Mormons to their doorstep. Customers not wishing to purchase the movie can return the product within 30 days for a credit, less an annoying restocking fee, to be collected by some rather unsavory Scientologist Sumo wrestlers.

Customers disputing the restocking fee will be given a 15 minute head start to escape a tribe of blood-thirsty Jivaro Indians who will catch them by their ankles and remove their heads. The heads, once shrunken by the Jivaro, will be sent to Blockbuster’s lawyers where they will be used in the annual company racquetball game.

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Show 16 Comments


  1. mikeB

    I did read that. I guess it’s time to try Hollywood Video or Netflix.

  2. Spud

    I like it! πŸ˜€

    Lacklustre Video!

  3. I just hope it is retroactive. My wife says I have an huge head. Not to mention I have over 100 dollars in late fees from 2 movies.

  4. Esther

    Yes, many a moon ago, I worked at what I eventually now refer to as “Blockbustmyasster”. I managed to get out of town before the bloodthirsty tribe of Jivaros managed to extract my soul, thank goodness.:twisted:

    Netflix forever!:cool:

  5. Anna

    See … we miss all this good stuff. We don’t have Blockbusters. But if we did, I don’t think they’d have to resort to such measures … we, the Dutch, are much too “German” (befehl ist befehl).

  6. Spud

    Is that like que sera sera Anna?


  7. Mandy

    I worked there too, Esther. I wasn’t perky enough for them. 😑

    Well, parts of me were. :boobs::razz:

  8. Anna

    @ Spud: no, more like “Jawohl herr commandant” (for those Stalag 13 fans).
    I reward you with a handful of :boobs::boobs: for the effort though.:grin:

  9. Mandy

    WOOO! I wanna see some Dutch booty too!

  10. Mandy

    Or booby. :boobs: Whatever.


  11. Blockbuster?

    I didn’t know video rental stores were still in business. I thought NetFlix and onDemand ppvs had taken over the world. πŸ˜†

  12. !! WAS IST HIER GESCHEHEN?? Deine papieren BITTE!

    ACHTUNG: Wilkommen ans die Customereiten als BLOCH-BASTARD, wo seine geldt nicht jetz in unserer Cashregister ist!

    (scheisse… my german is horrible… but that’s because it’s the only language that allows you to spit on the person you’re talking to…)

  13. itÒ€ℒs the only language that allows you to spit on the person youÒ€ℒre talking to
    Rust, meet Irish Gaelic. Gaelic, Rust.

  14. Monday

    Stupidest. Strategy. Ever.

    That’s even worse than having late fees!!

    Blockbuster has lost over 1 million customers to Netflix. And I am one of them. Netflix is awesome!! And they lowered their monthly price from $21 to $18. Totally worth it.

    No stupid, uninformed video clerk. No having to go to the video store with your significant other and argue over what movie to get. Netflix has a giant library, so it’s rare when they don’t have a movie.

    Gah, I can’t heap enough praise on Netflix. I will stop whoring for them now…

  15. Poofles

    Also watch out for the cheese mites bearing Chrissmass fruitcakes! πŸ˜›

Comments are closed