Pickup lines that suck

"I suppose a lot of men stare at your tits, huh?" "You like cartoon rabbits, too? I like dressing up as one in bed." "That's a really sexy bra. I stole one just like that from my neighbor's clothesline." "Lemme have a few more beers first so you look pretty." "That's a hot dress. Makes you kind of look like a hooker. Wait, you're not a cop, are you?" "You remind of someone. My frat brother, Gunther. Man, could he put away the beer!" "I really wish they'd rerun BJ and the Bear. I could be watching that while you…

Unlikely pizza toppings

Sea Monkeys Papsmearoni The milk of human kindness Cactus marmalade* Contraceptive jelly The fruit of my loins* Peanut brittle Italian sausage, made from real Italians Gummi Bears* The apple of my eye *With help from the lovely Natalieviagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying…

Lose your lunch Friday

Wow. Last night as I read my email I was aghast by some of the links that came in. MJJ Source, Link via Esther Unicorn Orgy. Hummel figurines for bestial pagans? [NFSW] Too sick to work, but not too sick to wrestle alligators viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra…

How to speak in account rep

When they say, "The client wants to move in a new direction…" They mean, "I want to move in a new direction…" When they say, "The client believes your idea may be detrimental to their business." They mean, "I have no idea what your idea means. Does it have like, science or something?" When they say, "The client still hasn't come to a decision on that yet." They mean, "I forgot to call the client. Again." When they say, "This is a rush project." They mean, "I just found this folder behind my desk. It's been there since last September."…

Note to Self, No. 5,605

Do not get into a conversation with this man ever again.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra sample what is better viagra…

Note to Self, No. 5,602

The next time we share ice cream with the cats, wear a tinfoil hat afterward to shield our brain from the cats. They are trying to melt our brain with their heat vision.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra…

Top ten worst things about summer

Finding Earwigs in your shoes Discovering how many of your neighbors and coworkers eschew deoderant. Realizing your neighbors have turned into Earwigs. Smelling year-old grease burning on your neighbour's barbecue. Realizing it's not grease; they're grilling Earwigs. Seeing a sexy woman adjusting her Daisy Dukes from behind and realizing she's actually a man. Trying your mother's potato salad at a picnic, tasting a bad piece of potato and discovering it's an Earwig. Seeing your next-door neighbor stripping out of her flimsy tank top and sitting naked on the balcony. She's built like John Goodman. Watching your air conditioner die on…

I’ve always hoped it to be true

I just don't even know where to begin with this one. A group of Christians that believes threesomes are Biblically allowable, providing it's always one male and two females (aw yeah!). Witness for yourself ('scuse the pun) Sex in Christ.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples…

Watch where you shake that thing!

This is a post for the gentlemen. Brothers, it's time for a lesson in etiquette. As longtime author of Manly Tips for Bachelor Living and creator of the best-selling calendar of the same name, I feel I have at least a modicum of authority. Please, please, for the love of God. If you're at the urinal, put the damn cellphone down and use at least one hand to keep things under control. Some of us prefer to attend meetings without a urine shower, and I'm quite certain your listener could wait another 60 seconds.

Complete this sentence #24

"Every time I find hedgehogs in my pants, I feel the urge to ________."viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra sample what…

Rather unlikely ways to die

Crushed underfoot by a parade of Megatherium Knocked into the middle of next week, just like that drunk guy threatened Deadly nostril-flaring contest with Judd Nelson Fatal spork stabbing Entertained to death by puppets Severe salad-making injury Mistaken for a GI Joe doll by a giant child and subsequently beheaded and melted down Coding the world's most dangerous javascript Tongue stuck to metal pole during unexpected Ice Age Forced into a fifteen minute conversation with Paris Hilton viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free…

Risky things to bring on a first date

A home pregnancy test and a wedding ring Surgical hoses, clamps and formaldehyde Heavy-duty garbage bags and a shovel A cross, a hammer, a loincloth and three nails A circus monkey and an axe A vat of motor oil, 50 friends and a bikini with a contestant number Prosthetic limbs, a saw and a heavily-bookmarked copy of Frankenstein A manatee with a saddle A BeDazzler and a stack of airbrushed t-shirts A PacMan suit and a Ms. PacMan suit viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra…