Watch where you shake that thing!

This is a post for the gentlemen. Brothers, it’s time for a lesson in etiquette. As longtime author of Manly Tips for Bachelor Living and creator of the best-selling calendar of the same name, I feel I have at least a modicum of authority.

Please, please, for the love of God. If you’re at the urinal, put the damn cellphone down and use at least one hand to keep things under control. Some of us prefer to attend meetings without a urine shower, and I’m quite certain your listener could wait another 60 seconds.

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comment 17 comments
  • kismet

    And never go to the urinal right next to someone when other urinals are available.

    It freaks people out.

  • rust

    Oddly enough, I was stifling a belch as I navigated to today’s post.

    And, as I finish my comment, the pressure from gas at the other end has been relieved — quite noisily I must add.

    Etiquette? Isn’t that for sissies and babes?

  • rust

    Oddly enough, I was stifling a belch as I navigated to today’s post.

    And, as I finish my comment, the pressure from gas at the other end has been relieved — quite noisily I must add.

    Etiquette? Isn’t that for sissies and babes?

  • TinaMarie

    Ooooooh, Rust…gas so good it had to be repeated twice.

    I’m impressed! Now if I could only breathe…:dead:

  • Lung the Younger

    The best thing would be to nudge the dork so that he drops the cell phone. If his conversation was so damn important, he’ll retrieve the phone and put it straight back to his ear.

    (How does he wash his hands after if he’s carrying a cell phone anyway? There’s really nothing redeemable about this guy, is there?)

  • Mike

    OMG, that’s worse than the “both hands on the hips” guys.

  • Spud

    I prefer the head leaning on the wall, slobbering into the trough stance myself.

  • Merth

    I am disturbed by the cell phone use at a urinal as much as I am by the guy (high priced attorney) in the adjacent office that does not wash his hands following dookie. :wtf:

    The guy wears a $1,000 suit every day but refuses to wash his hands after poo’ing… :dead:

  • JFLY

    “How do you guys walk around with those things?” – Elaine, from Seinfeld 😛

  • Esther

    Ugh.:dead:

    On the other end of the bathroom etiquette spectrum, we have the women who somehow manage to get urine on the seat. I can understand this in the handicapped stall, but in just the regular stall, there’s really no excuse for it. Even in a gas station bathroom, one can at least put 50 layers of sanitary covers on the seat, so you don’t have to stand over it.

    Ok, I’m done. 😛

  • Kirk

    Esther…LOL. My neice visted Taiwan and people squat over there. In fact in the Europeanized restraunts where there is a comode, you will find footprints on the toilet seat…where women have climbed up to squat.

    As for Urinal usage….I thought that is the real reason they created the no-hands device for cell phones.

  • simoon

    There’s a certain “je ne sais quois” about receiving a cell phone call from a man at a urinal. The “Oh My Gods, you’re calling from a coffee can” character to the sound. The comforting tinkle of the splattering of urine in ceramic (or metal!) during the conversation. And, I must not forget, oh yes, the delightful rush of the flushable urinals.

    My, oh my! It just gives me goosebumps!

    (HA!)

  • Natasha

    (sing along everyone who is not under 40)

    ***************************************
    I want to play, I want to play, I want
    to play with my ding-a-ling!
    ***************************************
    Ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling . . .

    “Could ya answer that please fella? I’ve got my hands full”

    “Sure . . .uh . . . hello?”

    “Not that fella, I mean the phone!”

  • Susan

    :sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad: (I’m just trying to get Davezilla to call me)

  • JFLY

    Well said, Esther!

  • Mandy

    And how do you pee Dave? 😛

  • Dante

    Don’t you hate it when people push when you’re taking a piss? Man, that frosts my shorts.

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