Observations

When I was a young boy, I often misheard phrases. Thinking I had them down pat, I would misuse them with confidence. Hilarity ensued. Some examples: Pigment of my imagination For all intensive purposes wrapped in conversation ball-faced lie deja view What words or phrases will you admit to misusing?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra…

There exists one thing in everyone's life that makes them shiver with fear, double over with nausea or curl into a fetal position. I have several of these bugabooos including, but not limited to: Clowns and mimes Bacon (S'OK, I'm pesco-vegetarian) Hummel figurines Sock garters Chinese opera Gauchos and skorts "New country" Czarnina Journey, Air Supply and REO Speedwagon Broadway musicals So tell me, what is your kryptonite?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female…

On Saturday, I ate lunch at one of my favorite local Lebanese restaurants. My waitress was a lovely, young Korean woman who was adjusting to being leered at by her male coworkers. This was the opening coversation: "This is day of training, number of two. I am not used to the system of computer here. Do not worry, though. I have computered at another restaurant before. I hope your tea is as delicious as it sounds."viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra…

[Sitting behind me on plane] Traveler #1: "Whut wuz thayat?" Traveler #2: "I bet it wuzza wheelz comin' down." Traveler #1: "Wheelz? Fer real?" Traveler #2: "Yessir. We's sittin' raht above the plane's wang." Traveler #1: "We surely are! I ain't never been above the wang afore." Traveler #2: "Yessir. It's a good spot. Git t'see ever thing from here." Traveler #1: "Lookit that wang." Traveler #2: "Mm-Hm." Traveler #1: "Jim?" Traveler #2: "Yeah?" Traveler #1: "I'm fixin' to barf."viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra…

I was IMing with my friend Jim S. when we got on one of those odd topics. I know. Moi? Talk about something weird? So we're talking about astral bodies, something I find both fascinating and well … highly improbable. I just don't buy into it. Not the fact that it's, you know, bullshit. I've heard worse. Like that Ark story. I'm talking about the inconvenience of having an astral body. I mean, I can barely take care of this one, and now I have to take care of an invisible body, too? That just doesn't seem fair. I'm far…

You double-park your Hummer in the handicapped section Your television cost more than your education You post naked pictures of your ex- online You often make lefthand turns from the right turn lane You feel the neighbor's lawn is your ashtray You have nine online identities, none of which accurately reflect your age, weight, gender or disposable income You leave tips for the server under an overturned glass of water You feel that, "What? It's biodegradable," is a good enough excuse for not cleaning up after your dog You think nothing of leaving your skirt, thong and office supplies in…

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To call a local news anchor a skilled reporter is like calling a Pekinese one of the World's deadliest predators. Here are some of the statements that made me want to take an acetylene torch to my television. We have everything you need for the Olympics Aside from providing a channel, what are you giving me? Free tickets to Italy? A training coach? A weeks' worth of beer and pretzels? There could be another terrorist attack on US soil As if the terrorists hate our dirt. This medal ends a 30-year curse on the American team Curse? What curse? Have…