Note to Self, No. 6,013
Buy headphones and close the windows at night. The girl next door is a bit of a screamer in bed. Sounded like two raccoons fighting over a pecan pie.
Note to Self, No. 6,011
Before presenting to the Senior Vice-Presidents again, be sure to wipe all the toothpaste off your face first.
Note to Self, No. 6,005
I forgot what I was going to write. Damn. Now I'll be up all night wondering if I'll do it again. Whatever it is. Will I even know it if I do it? Help me out here. What was it?
Note to Self, No. 6,001
The next time you travel, you are not letting your black cat play inside the suitcase while you pack, ensuring your white shirt will be coated in black fur. Also check that you have removed any chocolates from your suitcase that may inexplicably get stuck on your pants when you press them with the hotel's cheap iron. Looks like someone borked the comments on this post. Trying to fix them. Your patience is greatly underappreciated.
Notes to Self, No. 5,890-5,895
The next time you press your shirt, make sure you iron both sides before wearing the shirt to work Yes, you really do have a bottle of soy sauce from 2002 to throw away The next time you decide to delete an old folder from the server, make sure you've … already downloaded it first. Damn. When you fly back to Arkansas this weekend, do not lose the parking pass. Again. The next time you believe an optometrist who says, "Transition lenses will darken 60% of sunlight", make sure she promises they will work while driving too (the only reason…
Note to Self, No. 5,811
The next time you go to the laundromat, ensure that the box of Arm & Hammer you are taking with you is detergent—not cat litter. That was embarrassing.
Note to Everyone
If I hear anyone singing, whistling, humming or even legitimately discussing, My Humps one more time, I am going postal. Just sayin'.
Note to Self
Trader Joe's vegetarian burritos are combustible and may explode upon contact with fork.
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