Note to Self, No. 6,619

In retrospect it was probably not the best idea to eat Blair’s Death Rain XXX Hot Habanero Chips minutes before a meeting with the executives.

Note to Self, No. 6,502

Find a way to change our appearance. This year, I was told no less than 19 times to “Have a safe 4th of July,” indicating that I somehow resemble the Latchkey, redneck children that seem to lose useful parts of their anatomy each July by securing coal mine explosives in their teeth or in the […]

Notes to Self: No. 6,304

The next time you spill coffee on your expensive Irish cableknit sweater, do not use a red Christmas nakpin to mop it up. Now it has a permanent, red smear covering the permanent, brown coffee stain.

Notes to Self: No. 6,229

The next time I spill pasta sauce on an expensive pair of white jeans, be sure to remove the wallet before soaking them overnight in hot water.

Notes to Self: No. 6,221-6,223

There is a finite limit to the amount of bluing that can be applied to a load of whites No matter how good it seems at the time, consuming three brownies and a Coke in rapid succession before a meeting is really not a good idea When you go out this weekend, your shoes will […]

Note to Self, No. 6,015

No matter how good an idea it may seem at the time, do not reheat grilled cheese in the microwave oven at work more than once.

Note to Self, No. 7,014

No matter how nice it looks, the next time we paint a room, we are not painting the bloody radiators.

Notes to Self: No. 6,322

Remember: cats with claws + goosedown comforters = a big, honkin’ mess to sweep up.

Note to Self: No. 6,444

There is a vile invention, one which I was seduced into buying in a weak moment. The product is known as the SudaCare Shower Soother, a blue tablet that when dropped into a shower stall, alleges to release menthol vapors, much as a cyanide capsule does to a condemned prisoner. The cyanide capsule, I am […]

Notes to Self No. 6,227-6,228

The probability of spilling coffee on an expensive, white shirt is determined by a ratio of the cost of the shirt versus the importance of the executives you have meetings with that day. Do not assume the 401 Hwy will be accident-free on a Friday night. It took 3-1/2 hours to drive 8 km last […]

Note to Self, No. 6,077

Notes to Self: No. 6,014-6,017

Do not accidentally click on the iDVD button while looking at photos in iPhoto. All 4,000+ photos will try to load themselves into a movie clip at the same time, and that’s just wrong. No matter how tempting, do not tickle cat when her rear claws are positioned above your scrotum. Seriously. If it looks […]

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