Stupid things I do on a regular basis, exposed for the world to laugh at.
Buy headphones and close the windows at night. The girl next door is a bit of a screamer in bed. Sounded like two raccoons fighting over a pecan pie.
I forgot what I was going to write. Damn. Now I’ll be up all night wondering if I’ll do it again. Whatever it is. Will I even know it if I do it? Help me out here. What was it?
The next time we wash dishes, we will not touch the ice cube tray.
Never keep the same cellphone for five years. Trust me on this one.
The next time you go to the laundromat, ensure that the box of Arm & Hammer you are taking with you is detergent—not cat litter. That was embarrassing.
Trader Joe’s vegetarian burritos are combustible and may explode upon contact with fork.
Before presenting to the Senior Vice-Presidents again, be sure to wipe all the toothpaste off your face first.
Find the inventor of Daylight Saving Time, and kill him.
The next time you travel, you are not letting your black cat play inside the suitcase while you pack, ensuring your white shirt will be coated in black fur. Also check that you have removed any chocolates from your suitcase that may inexplicably get stuck on your pants when you press them with the hotel’s […]
The next time you press your shirt, make sure you iron both sides before wearing the shirt to work Yes, you really do have a bottle of soy sauce from 2002 to throw away The next time you decide to delete an old folder from the server, make sure you’ve … already downloaded it first. […]
If I hear anyone singing, whistling, humming or even legitimately discussing, My Humps one more time, I am going postal. Just sayin’.
Davezilla