Notes to Self: No. 6,304

The next time you spill coffee on your expensive Irish cableknit sweater, do not use a red Christmas nakpin to mop it up. Now it has a permanent, red smear covering the permanent, brown coffee stain.


  1. I always laugh when people say “Oh use red wine to clean off the soda stain. Never worked for me, I have red stains all over my outfits.


  2. AFFCOT (n.)
    The sort of fart you hope people will talk after.

    ADLESTROP (n.)
    That part of a suitcase which is designed to get snarled up on conveyor belts at airports. Some of the more modern adlestrop designs have a special ‘quick release’ feature which enables the case to lip open at this point and fling your underclothes into the conveyor belt’s gearing mechanism.

    Based on the link of the day:
    the entire Meaning of Liff online … brilliant

  3. If you pour a little Guinness over the stain, it wonÒ€ℒt get rid of it but it will give it an air of respectability.

  4. Spud

    Two words – Spray paint.

  5. sledge

    Dye it.You could be the only person in your froup to have a Black Irish cable knit sweater.Of course you will have to wait till later this yoar when you don’t have to wear white

  6. Is it too late to start scotchguarding your clothes?

  7. SUTTON and CHEAM (nouns)

    Sutton and cheam are the kinds of dirt into which all dirt is divided.
    ‘Sutton’ is the dark sort that always gets on to light-coloured things,
    ‘cheam’ the light-coloured sort that clings to dark items. Anyone who has
    ever found Marmite stains on a dress-shirt or seagull goo on a dinner jacker
    (a) knows all about sutton and cheam, and (b) is going to tome very curious

    LOWESTOFT (n.)

    (a) The balls of wool which collect on nice new sweaters.
    (b) The correct name for ‘navel fluff’.
    :java: :java: πŸ˜•

  8. Anna

    While SIMPRIM-ing I say “kewl … multi-colored cableknit sweater” will look good with my skirt

  9. I have a question for you: Does soy sauce stain? There was a soy incident yesterday… 😳

  10. grim reaepr

    [Comment ID #83293 will be quoted here]

    it usually does

  11. junkman

    i don’t know about you dave, but every once in a while i start thinking i am a sophisticated and intelligent human being. slop stains remind me that it wasn’t that long ago that we all started walking erect and humility is only one spill away. wouldn’t bleach be a cure-all for you? or white-out?

  12. Bjorn Freeh

    Dave, is this a technical violation of the all-white-until-May thing? Do you now have to add another 2 months to your commitment because of it? πŸ˜›

  13. pablo

    Note to Dave #6,304 – Way to much time is spent on stain management. Those of us who wear mostly black are only worried about actual debris from lunch. Hope you get past your white stage soon so we can at least speak of keeping our colors brighter and our blacks from fading or I just might chank.

    On the other matter, I bet you’ve never had bisquits fluffier that this Grandma’s. Would you consider that pre-buttered?

  14. Zilla the Younger

    Might I suggest a bleach pen on that nasty stain?..then again, you might just want to get into the habit of carrying a cloth napkin around until May!

  15. Selkielass

    Stop, don’t wash it, take it right to a good cleaner.
    There is a very good chance they can get the stain out.

  16. Astryd

    Ooh…I’ve used some of those words before…man, is my face red! :wtf:

    There is a name/word for the action one does when turning faucets (bathwater usually) on and off with their toes, does anyone know it? πŸ˜•

  17. Flash Gordon

    Could that faucet thingie be called squeeging? πŸ˜• πŸ™ :wtf:

  18. Flash Gordon

    How about kowabunging? πŸ˜› πŸ™„ πŸ˜• :wtf:

  19. Astryd

    No. There’s a specific word and I knew it but never used it so now it’s lost in the muddle of file cabinets in my brain.
    Squeeging-squeegying?-means to wash/clean/rub oneself or others with a squeegy/squeegie.
    For the person that can find this out for me and reference it I will ask the Tooth Fairy for an extra quarter…or the Tooth Fairy in cute lingerie, under the pillow.

  20. Gladia

    Natalie If you can get it, wal-mart usually has it, try ZOUT, it is a really great stain remover, if you haven’t washed and dried yet, the soy sauce stain… It has never failed me yet, even on ink and grease…… πŸ˜›

  21. Gladia

    ooops, sorry, Dave ZOUT should work on your sweater as well… πŸ˜†

  22. ducatisti

    [Comment ID #83323 will be quoted here]


    And Dave, what about tye dye or batik treatment for the sweater – you know, turn a liability into a fashion statement? Yea, it’s never worked for me either, but you probably have the balls to pull it off!

  23. Selkielass

    [Comment ID #83343 will be quoted here]

    If you use strong stain removers on cream or off white clothing it usually leaves a permanent lighter colored patch- white or greyish white. Bleaching the entire garment sometimes makes it all the same color, but often the off colored patch stays a different color.

  24. Astryd

    ambi-both podia(ped/pod) referring to feet/foot dextrous skillfull use of. In other words you can skillfully use your feet.
    The word I speak of specifically refers to the turning of the faucet valves/knobs with your toes.
    Oh well… πŸ™„

  25. lessons from my mother

    As soon as you get a coffee stain on clothing get a white bar of soap (Ivory) wet the area and rub the soap on it then try to blot it dry. The soap will preserve the stain until you wash it.

    I have some nice Irish knit sweaters too. I would use Woolite or zero in a tub of cold water (not the machine) and lay it out on a flat surface to dry it. Sweaters are delicate and may shrink.

    If you have an oily collar or pillow case then add some shampoo to your wash.
    For body oils, then use oily hair shampoo were her words. I couldn’t believe how well that worked. πŸ˜•

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