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Children that have a complete meltdown in public and need to be dragged out because the little apes refuse to use their God-given legs. Sell these future Wal-Mart greeters on the Black Market. Or eBay. Do it now. Anyone who needs more than five attempts to parallel park. These inbreds need to have their licenses revoked and be forced to walk. Couples that use their pet nicknames for each other while ordering at restaurants. Hey, Pookiebutt. If you insist on talking like you’re two years-old, then we will treat you like you are. From now on, you will be forced…

Mean people who win the lottery. The cashier at Baja Fresh who continually gets my order wrong because, “There’s no other vegetarians.” Advertisers who are suffering from the delusion that all senior citizens spend each day walking in slow motion on the beach their golden retriever. People who say, “We’ll give them the dog and pony show.” I’ve been to several of these presentations and have yet to see either a dog or pony. Color me disappointed. People who give me migraines so bad that I don’t post on time. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does…

The owners of American Girl dolls for being such bitches Mothers who ignore their child when it screams so loudly that banshees flee in terror. Mel Gibson, for proving once again, he is an utter bastard Mysoginistic Moroccans People who call me up and then immediately put me on hold.

Women in front of me at the airport Xray who wear knee-high lace-up boots People who try to parallel park while on the cell phone The coworker who ate the last bagel before I got one People who suck at life

The earth mother who holds up the entire queue by taking 18 minutes to arrange her carry-on in the overhead compartment, and then complains that the flight is late taking off The prat who holds up the line at the coffeehouse by demanding a 142° latte. As if they can tell. The senior citizen who unfolds 39 crumpled coupons for the cashier (all of which expired a decade ago), and demands they be honored. The buffoon at the ATM who makes everyone wait because she doesn't know her PIN. The screaming brat who holds up the line through the X-Ray…

Clueless men who wear Crocs with business suits to work. This cannot be allowed to continue and I beseech all my loyal readers to grievously harm anyone attempting this. The balding, boorish Boomer—unacceptably impatient in line at the coffeehouse and swearing at everyone to hurry up—who had no idea what he wanted when his turn arrived. Politicians who try to brainwash their countrymen through bullying and repetition, then change their minds and feign sudden amnesia. People who say Hispanic, when they mean Spanish language. The rude bastard at the office that takes one bite out of a donut and puts…

People from the South who claim that 78°F is "chilly". Hold up, son. You don't know what chilly is. Flight attendants who are more concerned with their nails than their passengers. The guy you see in your rear view mirror, flipping you off because you dared to stop at the red light instead of blowing it.* People who forward me links to my own site, with the note, "Dude, this site is hilarious. You should check it out." Companies who actually send me mail addressed to "Mr. or Mrs. Dave Zilla". Neighbors who run their chainsaw at midnight. *The best…

People who run their lawnmower/snowblower/leafblower before 9AM on a weekend. Guys who think the prison pants look is still in. People who turn their vehicles into walking advertisements for their religion. People who turn their vehicles into walking advertisements for anything. Obssessive parents People who insist on bringing their stinking, neurotic pets into coffeehouses because, "He gets upset if sees me inside talking to other people." The assholes responsible for convincing a whole new generation of women that Mukluks are cute. Landlords. Has-been 60s/70s/80s popstars trying desperately to make comebacks. Who's on your (s)hitlist this week?

People who can't be bothered to flush the urinal or toilet. I have no interest in seeing what you left behind. Stop bragging. Coworkers who apologize for talking with their mouths full, but then continue to do it. Makes me want to sneeze and rub my nose on their sleeve. Weathermen. Useless lifeforms. Coworkers who constantly talk about how much better their last job was. Then why did you leave, you glue-sniffing jackass? Mothers who brag that their baby boy is 1/4" larger than he should be for his age. Listen, I'm 6'3". Your kid is a dust mite in…

A special breed of artist, the music video director fancies himself one day a real film director. This of course, will never happen unless someone writes a movie about a ratty-looking guitarist breaking up with his supermodel girlfriend in the desert, while chicas in matching thongs choreograph the breakup in a New York City back alley. We hate you, video directors, because you all use the same video effects, the same yawnful slow motion pans across teary-eyed waifs and men with 5:00 shadow. No, we are neither enticed nor fooled by the tiny, red REC icon flashing on the video.…