More people we dislike #8: Pseudo-bodybuilders

Few things are more pathetic than body builders. Pseudo-bodybuilders are definitely more pathetic. Too arrogant to admit they aren’t that built, but not dedicated enough to deform themselves through excessive steroid usage. Signs you may be this type:


  1. They kiss their biceps
  2. They refer to their biceps as, “my guns”.
  3. They can afford to pimp out their Dodge 3500s, but can’t afford their cellphone bills.
  4. They wear “Axe” body spray.
  5. Contrary to popular belief, there is rarely a mullet. It is usually the fauxhawk, a ridiculous sort of combed-up mohawk, trimmed very short, marines-style.
  6. They drink Zima. On purpose.
  7. Have a “Proud NASCAR Sponsor” bumper sticker on their trucks, though they’ve never sponsored anything more expensive than girlscout cookies.
  8. Conveniently forget their wallets on dates.
  9. They have a porn stashes that would make Bukkake directors blush.
  10. The hypnotic effect of owning breasts prevent them from eye contact with women during conversation.


  1. I kinda like the dragon bag…just not for over $1,000…

    And as for the pseudo-bodybuilders…I’d like to break one of them in half and see how they like their bodies after that… :mrgreen:

  2. Prophetic Lurker

    I know a guy who (thinks he) is a bodybuilder. It’s because he is trying to make up for being short. He has a major inferiority complex about being 5 foot 7. I feel like telling him that I feel insulted by his inferiority complex because I am 5 foot 7 and it’s like he’s telling me I’m too short.

  3. Ace

    They also call their biceps “Thunder” and “Lighting” and kindly advise you not to get caught up in that storm.

  4. Ace

    Mmm… pigs in a blanket.
    That will be my breakfast! Now where did I put that pig and blanket?

  5. Anna

    They’re so dumb that you just have to mention how buffed/gorgeous they look, and they’ll supply the beverages for the rest of the evening …… o sorry, that’s ANY guy.

  6. Mandy

    11. Compensation for having a teenie weenie :limp:

  7. Marcus

    Has anyone seen the movie Anchorman? You can see the items mentioned about in the movie. Gotta go work on my guns. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜†

    The Dragon Bag was pretty cool. I think it would scare children to death. Yippeeeee! :wtf:

  8. Alex

    Would the dragon bag pass as a carryon bag on a flight?

  9. Spud

    Merth is the Body Builder, not one of your pseudo types.

    Just wanted to clear that up. 😈

    My guns say I’m right suckers, now if I could just tear my eyes away from that avatar of party princess’s all would be good in the world of Nascar.


  10. Mandy

    [Comment ID #45657 will be quoted here]

    She does have a hot icon! :boob: :boob:

  11. bhamm

    For the pseudo-bodybuilders:

    1) They love to start conversations with “How much can you bench?”
    2) They’re not Steroids, they’re NUTRITIONAL SUPPLIMENTS!
    3) Where most guys have pictures of Playmates or SI Swimsuit models on their walls, they have pictures of Jean-Claude Van Damme working out.
    4) They know all the words to every song ever played in a Rocky movie.

    And, in addition to Dave’s comment,

    5) They wear “Axe” body spray… in place of deodorant.

  12. Craig

    Also wear skin tight black or silver shirts. :puke:

  13. Bob

    I have a body like Arnolds,but i cover it with all the fat to protect it. Check out the guns but please ignore the waddles hanging underneath.

  14. Patrick

    Kill a cow AND look like a goth goober? Such a deal!

    12. They give their ‘guns’ names, e.g., “pain and misery” or “death and destruction”
    or “heartbreak and heartache”.

  15. Kinyou

    Lol. Who the hell would buy that “Gothic” dragon bag thing? The guy WEARING it seems like he’s about ready to pull out a pistol and blow one in the side of his face. Lol.

    For the pseudo-body builders…
    They have loads of pictures of themselves on their walls.
    They may have a picture as the background of their laptop.
    Lie about being sponsered for a modeling career.
    Most likey brag about the car they own to someone who has a better car, therefore their ego that’s as big as a house, demands a challenge of some sort. Then if they happen to lose, which isn’t all that irrelivant, they make the excuse of starting late because they were fixing the lock of hair that fell into their face, because if they didn’t, they would’ve crashed and died. And to them, no one wants someone like THEM to die. I mean, to them, the world needs them. :\

  16. the guns may be pretty ,but can they do work?

  17. nancy

    I agree with Mandy…….big abs – teenie :limp: probably drives a red corvette too…..

  18. nancy

    I agree with Mandy…….big abs – teenie :limp: probably drives a red corvette too…

  19. franklito

    they usually the ones who never make any team in high school, and if they do they are benchwarmers and annoy you by standin around talkin while everyone ids workin out, or they just hang around gyms to try and talk to girls. i usually give them a cold stare πŸ‘Ώ then smack the shit out of them if they dont get the f… away from me. then i get back to workin out 😈

  20. tenderflower

    I agree with Anna. Way to easy to get cocktails out of those dudes.

    What? A gothic dragon bag without a matching cod piece?

  21. Bjorn Freeh

    I live in northern Macomb County, Michigan, on the fringes of the Michigan Militia. When I hear guys say, “Gotta go work on my guns…” it means something much scarier to me.

    By the way, I’d like to see some guy wear that dragon bag in my neck of the woods. I suspect there’d be some gun-workin’ coming his way.

  22. Fortunately, there must be quite a few pseudo-bodybuilders who freeze to death in winter from stupidly wearing a t-shirt outdoors and insisting loudly to everyone that theyÒ€ℒre not cold. Natural selection can be a real blessing sometimes.

  23. Jennifer

    I thought we killed all the D & D people….I guesse I have to go hunting again and wipe out all these stupid geeks…..again 😈 πŸ‘Ώ

  24. family jules

    Dude, bar bouncer with “guns” and one martial arts move: Hey Bill, come here and hold this can!

    Bill, sarcastic bar manager: What for?

    Dude: Hold it up high, I want to show you something!

    Bill, reluctantly holding empty beer car high: OK, what?

    Dude drunkenly roundhouse kicks can out of Bill’s hand to applause of drunken assortment of bar bimbos.

    Bill: (rolling eyes) Wow, dude, that’s amazing! Next time I get a really bad ass beer can in here, you’re just the man I’ll call!

    Dude: Wha?

  25. family jules

    True story!

  26. [Comment ID #45787 will be quoted here]

    I take offense to that one…I still play D&D sometimes…and Vampire: the Masquerade…my friends and I still have some very vivid imaginations…there is nothing wrong with it…and we still play Magic: the Gathering…well, I don’t as much anymore…but you get the picture… :geek:

    And I would like to see you try to off me… πŸ˜›

  27. [Comment ID #45657 will be quoted here]

    Thanks… I guess. πŸ˜•

    Which is worse
    A) pseudo-bodybuilders “gun show”
    B) obese females in the croptop, belly showing shirts with the painted on blue jeans

  28. Meagan

    They also have tattoo armbands around their biceps that look like barbed-wire or something else they think as macho. My sister’s ex-boyfriend had one of those.

    And as a pagan, that dragon bag is bitchin’! 😈

  29. Meagan

    [Comment ID #45791 will be quoted here]

    Even though I pride myself on being a curvy woman, I’d have to say B would be worse. I’d never go out in public like that!

  30. scamper95

    [Comment ID #45653 will be quoted here]
    Most of these a*sholes (fake bodybuilders) are found working as bouncers, which = stupid drunk women and money for the stupid dragen bag

  31. MrDoug

    Bodybuilder = Gay

    Pseudo Body builder = Wants to grow up to be gay

    Pseudo Body Builder with a dragon bag = Pigs in a blanket?

    Now who else wants to spend all there free time around a bunch of steroid jacked up shrunken ball bag a-holes all day? They primp and preen for each other so it is clear what they are looking for and that is each other.

    Not that there is anything wrong with that but if they would at least admit it the world would be a better place

  32. I could see the dragon bag done in chenile, or flannel, or that really silky fuzzy stuff they make stuffed animals out of. And in cool colors, like blue, red, yellow, or green.


  33. Spud

    That was meant to enhance your rep Merth, not take away from it, you’re the real deal, pink undies and all. :undies: πŸ˜€

    just incase anyone was wondering.

    Also I can’t help but think the hole just got deeper… πŸ˜•


  34. alaskan_passion

    my husband told me one nite whil i was checking out a body builder to remember that they ALL have hemroids. When I asked him what he ment he said they lift and then its like popcorn POP POP POP POP>>>> I cant look at them any more with out wanting to offer some butt cream πŸ˜›

  35. Marcus

    [Comment ID #45799 will be quoted here]
    How presumptuous of you to make such an assumption!! If it was supposed to be funny, I think you missed the mark by a million miles. Podex perfectus es. You remind me of David Brent from “the Office”

    Rebpublican = oil grubbing, warmongering, asinine, ignorant, judgemental, contriving, corpulent, old, bald, and gay (Log Cabin)

    So, please come and visit me and I will introduce you to some of my professional bodybuilder friends whom I sponsor financially in international competitions. Let’s see what my friends think of your opinion. Hands up if you want MrDoggy to visit me!!

  36. alex.r.

    So, please come and visit me and I will introduce you to some of my professional bodybuilder friends whom I sponsor financially in international competitions. LetÒ€ℒs see what my friends think of your opinion.

    Humm… I’m not sure what was meant by that, but if I were you MrDoug, I’d bring lubricant, just in case. πŸ˜›

  37. Flash Gordon

    I can’t do body-building. I have Dunlap disease. Also that Gothic bag
    thingie looks like a half-digested whole rabbit my Rottweiler barfed up.
    I’ll spend my $140 on wild women. Can we send all these Mexicans to
    the North Woods? πŸ’‘ :wang:

  38. swade

    hmm – I lost 40 pounds due to inspiration from a young body builder I used to work with, and I love dragons – have 2 tattooes to prove it. D&D, Magic the Gathering ? Who’s hosting the game, I’ll bring snacks!

  39. Timmmy

    “phud said: the guns may be pretty ,but can they do work?”

    Sure they work, every night, with a box of kleenex and a porno movie.

  40. [Comment ID #45937 will be quoted here]

    and thats why they don’t need steriods…and the reason they call their arms “guns”…things seem to go off in their clutches…

  41. Spud, it is a good thing you meant that as a compliment… Otherwise I would have to introduce you to my good friends… ‘thunder’ and ‘lightning’ … oh yeah! πŸ™‚

    Why does it seem according to certain posters here that if a guy drivers a sports car… he must be ‘compensating’. If a guy takes care of his body, he must be ‘compensating’.

    Using this new information… if a guy drives a rusted out 76 Pinto is covered with fat and fur… he must have an awesome personality and be hung like a horse… ? 😈

  42. sheesh that bag looks like prehistoric roadkill….which gives me an idea

  43. Thor

    Boy, I must really be bad. I have competed in a couple of bodybuilding contests, (natural, tested), I drive a red corvette that I have had for years, I ride a RC51 Honda racebike, I like to build and ride dirtbikes, among other hobbies. According to the compensation rating scale from this forum, by dick must be so small it may have retreated back into my abdomen.

    Also, I agree with Merth, what in the hell is going on with the tight fitting shirts that are to short, and highlight every fat globule on the body? Only a few can pull off the look. When is it going to end? Anyone? Anyone?

    And between Mandy and party princess’s avatar, the bar is set very high. You both are gorgeous!

  44. Ace

    [Comment ID #45928 will be quoted here]

    Leave the Mexicans alone. :troll:

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