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More People We Can Safely Dislike, #25

Jodi Arias supporters Twilight fans. Fuck all of you. Vampires don’t sparkle. People who change their profile photo to reflect the latest meme, social cause or trend with no clue why other than their friends are all doing it, too. [DISCLAIMER: This one is probably only a Michigan thing] Drivers who get into the Michigan […]

More People We Can Safely Dislike #23: Travel Edition

Oh my readers, I have not abandoned you. I am working myself to death slowly. I’ve been in 5 states in four days. Anyway, all this travel got me hating on folks again, so here’s my travel edition of more people we can safely dislike. UPDATE: No idea how comments got turned off! They are […]

More People We Can Safely Dislike #21

The person(s) responsible for the musical selections playing ambiently in malls Indecisive lane-riders People who buy 398 items, freak out at the total, then force the cashier to remove each item one at a time until they can afford it Ann Coulter (always) Those who doubt the awesomeness of Kenny Powers People who cannot stop […]

More people we can safely dislike #19

The coworker reads aloud every memo, email, etc. to themselves and has to tell me, “Oh, I’m not talking to you. I’m just thinking aloud.” I didn’t ask, OK?. People who live in Michigan, one of the snowiest states in the US, but can’t drive in 1/2″ of snow. Please go back to Ohio/Indiana/Windsor where […]

More people we dislike #17

The Brotherhood of Bikers: In my town, there is a rather extensive gang of “Christian Bikers” known collectively as Riders for the Son. Perhaps I didn’t pay enough attention in Sunday School, but I don’t recall Jesus requesting his followers to ride Harleys and fuck shit up. I am Metrosexual. Hear me score. Look, I […]

People we can safely dislike #26

People who refuse to include punctuation in email or texts. The guy (it’s always a guy) who passes you on the road and then promptly slows down. That lady who refuses to admit she misdialed you… again. Men who wear Crocs with business suits. Young men who think wearing a vest with a porkpie hat […]

More People We Dislike #24

Brake tappers. Coffee drinkers who put perform an ongoing series of sugar modifications to their drinks, as if testing them for glucose tolerance. Couples in matching sweaters. Joggers who actually just walk, but pretend to run as soon as another pedestrian approaches, then promptly resume trudging along as soon as they pass them. Customers in […]

More people we can safely dislike #22

Oh man. I have been subjected to appalling grammar this week. I want to put these folks under citizens arrest … for the murder of the English language! People who say “360°” when they meant “180°,” as in “His attitude went 360°.” That doesn’t mean he changed his attitude. That means it’s right back where […]

More people we can safely dislike #20

Kids that dropped out of school because, “My teachah’s ignernt.” Clowns. Always clowns. Douchebags that tell their girlfriends they can’t hang out with their guy friends, but they of course can continue to hang out with their ex-girlfriends. People with shit taste in films who insist that despite the critics, despite what my friends have […]

More people we dislike #18

Comcast Tech Support, for having service interruptions all fucking week Lane drifters, Sunday or not Guys who change their clothes at Armani Exchange outside the dressing room Anyone who greets me with, “Hey, guy!” Anyone who greets me with, “Hey, boss!” Anyone who greets me with, “Hey, chief!” Anyone who greets me with, “Hey, captain!” […]

More people we dislike #16

Children that have a complete meltdown in public and need to be dragged out because the little apes refuse to use their God-given legs. Sell these future Wal-Mart greeters on the Black Market. Or eBay. Do it now. Anyone who needs more than five attempts to parallel park. These inbreds need to have their licenses […]

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