People we can safely dislike #26

  • People who refuse to include punctuation in email or texts.
  • The guy (it’s always a guy) who passes you on the road and then promptly slows down.
  • That lady who refuses to admit she misdialed you… again.
  • Men who wear Crocs with business suits.
  • Young men who think wearing a vest with a porkpie hat makes them jazz musicians.
  • Older women who think wearing loud mumus with oversized glasses makes them artists.
  • People who rasp, wheeze, and smell like a nicotine factory and claim they “quit ten years ago.”
  • The cheap bastard who drinks 3/4 of his expensive cocktail before returning it, claiming they made the wrong drink. Then re-orders the same thing.
  • Anyone with a straw hat.
  • The person in the picture and whatever she’s doing to that poor baby [PHOTO COURTESY:]
  • Anyone who owns more than three parrots.

More People We Can Safely Dislike, #25

  • Jodi Arias supporters
  • Twilight fans. Fuck all of you. Vampires don’t sparkle.
  • People who change their profile photo to reflect the latest meme, social cause or trend with no clue why other than their friends are all doing it, too.
  • [DISCLAIMER: This one is probably only a Michigan thing] Drivers who get into the Michigan turn lane diagonally, thus taking up both lanes and refuse to pull out into traffic, even after a vicious, sustained honk.
  • Uma Thurman

  • While, not a person, Punxsutawney Phil, who needs to be made into a rug. That useless, pus-bag has never predicted spring correctly. Ever. And don’t correct me in the comments. He sucks. If I could make a movie, it would be called Kill Phil and Uma Thurman would take out Phil and all his kin in a deliberate and most brutal fashion.
  • People who leave their outdoor Christmas decorations up through the spring and summer—and continue to light them up nightly.

More People We Dislike #24

  1. Brake tappers.
  2. Coffee drinkers who put perform an ongoing series of sugar modifications to their drinks, as if testing them for glucose tolerance.
  3. Couples in matching sweaters.
  4. Joggers who actually just walk, but pretend to run as soon as another pedestrian approaches, then promptly resume trudging along as soon as they pass them.
  5. Customers in restaurants who make so many substitutions to an item, that it becomes an entirely different menu item, but when this is pointed out to them, will argue that their substitutions are clearly superior.
  6. Businesspeople who think spinning text in their Powerpoint presentations makes them edgy. And worse, that it improves the presentation. Sorry, but until Powerpointless becomes SecondLife, it ain’t gonna be entertaining. At all. Just stop before Edward Tufte head butts you.
  7. People who refuse to drink draft Guinness in the US because it was, “so much better in Ireland, that I can barely tolerate it here,” but then proceed to drink cat-piss like Coors or Miller.
  8. The coworker who sings to herself all day. Loudly.
  9. The person who just took the last whatever-it-is-you-desperately-needed right in front of you.
  10. Kanye West

Who do you dislike this week?

More People We Can Safely Dislike #23: Travel Edition

Oh my readers, I have not abandoned you. I am working myself to death slowly. I’ve been in 5 states in four days. Anyway, all this travel got me hating on folks again, so here’s my travel edition of more people we can safely dislike.

UPDATE: No idea how comments got turned off! They are back on.

  1. The guy on the plane who keeps kicking the back of your seat
  2. The woman who comes back from the airplane lavatory with a fresh gallon of perfume on
  3. The psycho next to you who is afraid of flying and keeps grabbing your arm every time turbulence bumps the plane
  4. The douchebag who refuses to turn off his iPod, delaying the flight by 20 minutes
  5. The geriatric couple who can’t figure out how to put their luggage through the X-ray and end up getting frisked at gunpoint by the FAA
  6. The oversexed couple who are nervously making numerous bathroom trips to prep for their Mile High Club initiation
  7. The “important executive” who—like the iPod douchebag—delays takeoff because he needs to make “one more call to his secretary”
  8. The cheesedick who thinks you are genuinely impressed that he can send texts on his Crackberry
  9. The creep who is watching a porn DVD on his laptop. He is seated next to a 10 year-old girl.
  10. The Bible salesman who is insistent on saving your soul; or at least saving you 10% on a leatherbound King James

Which travelers do you hate?

More people we can safely dislike #22

Oh man. I have been subjected to appalling grammar this week. I want to put these folks under citizens arrest … for the murder of the English language!

  1. People who say “360°” when they meant “180°,” as in “His attitude went 360°.” That doesn’t mean he changed his attitude. That means it’s right back where it started, fucktard.
  2. People who mix up there, their and they’re.
  3. People who can’t recall the simple ‘i’ before ‘e’ rule.
  4. Amerikans who kant spell rite. (See below)