Category: Observations

  • Malapropisms and mispronunciations

    “perifeal vision” (heard on CNN) “samwichiz (heard on CNN) “perdickuler” (neighbor) “fedral mandrate” (heard on CSPAN2) “teepanated” (heard at work) “for all intensive purposes” (heard on CNN) “lack toast and tolerant” (heard at work) “I guess it was just a pigment of my imagination.” (same neighbor) “My glasses were so foggied up with compensation.” (heard…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Note to Self, No. 5,713

    How is it that women can turn three drawers of delicates into 35 book boxes weighing 70 lbs. a piece? By the way, despite having miraculous rejuvenation properties, Lime Gatorade and Peanut M&Ms do not taste too good together.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Note to Self, No. 5,707

    Tuna on pumpernickel does not go well with V-8 and lite strawberry yogurt. Excuse me now, I need to be sick.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Notes to Self, No. 5,702-6

    When your girlfriend says, “The spiral staircase that we have to carry everything up is really narrow,” she speaks the truth. When your girlfriend says, “My television is lot heavier than it looks,” believe her. When your girlfriend says, “The room behind the scary little door in the wall is dusty and full of spiders,”…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Bad parental wisdom

    “Take a spoonful of sugar for hiccups.” Now I have sweet hiccups and tooth decay. “If you have to sneeze, just breathe in deeply and it will go away.” No, now I just have to sneeze harder. “When you get a migraine, suck on an ice cube.” Great. Now my migraine has brain freeze. “If…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Bambi dropped her thong?

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Random thought

    My mother used to call me a fussbudget when I was being grumpy. I was always afraid to ask what exactly a “fussbudget” did, and how much their budget totaled.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Note to Self, No. 5,699

    The next time you hear an odd moaning sound coming from the neighbor’s balcony, resist the urge to see what is causing it. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • IKEA products that sound dirty, but aren’t

    IKEA products that sound dirty, but aren’t FUKTA Saucer MODEST Knobs FARTYG Triple Ceiling Spotlight KRABB Mirror SEXTOL Spotlight TRAMPA Door Mat SKRUTT Magnet ABSORB Leathercare Set KUNGSHATT, Mushroom Decoration BANGSUND Bed with Storage BJÖRKEN Mirror Cabinet FAGELBO Sofa-Bed JERKER Desk JUSSI Table INEZ LÖV Cushion Cover GROGGY Corkscrew LYCKEBY Box MANGEL Drying Rack NIPPER…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Unlikely candle scents

    I bought a candle. The label said, “Fig-Olive”, which sounds like rather a revolting combination, but actually smells quite good. These, however, may not. “The Toronto” A tantalizing combination of raccoon musk and overturned garbage can Last Year’s Yogurt “CSI” Experience forensic science in 8 and 10 inch tapers Burnt broccoli-melting styrofoam Unwashed Mawashi $2…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Things I never want to see happen on The Sims

    Nude clown orgies Goat oil-wrestling Snacktime with Michael Jackson Republican boner contest Goatse ability Jack Ozbourne-Paris Hilton lovefest Projectile Leprosy plague All Sims women become Ann Coulter My Albanian neighbors Yanni soundtrack

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Sudden realization

    Today I felt old for the first time. No, I’m not getting creaky bones, or wrinkles or even moving slower than I did in my 20s. I discovered … a … white … chest hair. Shoot me now. 😳 viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra…

    Written by

    Davezilla