Note to Self, No. 5,707
Tuna on pumpernickel does not go well with V-8 and lite strawberry yogurt. Excuse me now, I need to be sick.
Notes to Self, No. 5,702-6
When your girlfriend says, "The spiral staircase that we have to carry everything up is really narrow," she speaks the truth. When your girlfriend says, "My television is lot heavier than it looks," believe her. When your girlfriend says, "The room behind the scary little door in the wall is dusty and full of spiders," she isn't exaggerating. When your girlfriend says, "I have a ton of books to move," take that literally. When your girlfriend says, "The traffic from the CNE might interfere," she's understating things.
Bad parental wisdom
"Take a spoonful of sugar for hiccups." Now I have sweet hiccups and tooth decay. "If you have to sneeze, just breathe in deeply and it will go away." No, now I just have to sneeze harder. "When you get a migraine, suck on an ice cube." Great. Now my migraine has brain freeze. "If your hands smell like garlic, rub them against stainless steel." Now I smell like a Italian spoon. "If you're not good company for yourself, you won't be good company for anyone else." Oh yeah? What if I don't want to be good company for anyone…
Random thought
My mother used to call me a fussbudget when I was being grumpy. I was always afraid to ask what exactly a "fussbudget" did, and how much their budget totaled.
Note to Self, No. 5,699
The next time you hear an odd moaning sound coming from the neighbor's balcony, resist the urge to see what is causing it.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra…
IKEA products that sound dirty, but aren’t
IKEA products that sound dirty, but aren't FUKTA Saucer MODEST Knobs FARTYG Triple Ceiling Spotlight KRABB Mirror SEXTOL Spotlight TRAMPA Door Mat SKRUTT Magnet ABSORB Leathercare Set KUNGSHATT, Mushroom Decoration BANGSUND Bed with Storage BJÖRKEN Mirror Cabinet FAGELBO Sofa-Bed JERKER Desk JUSSI Table INEZ LÖV Cushion Cover GROGGY Corkscrew LYCKEBY Box MANGEL Drying Rack NIPPER Spice Mill VAGIS Key Cabinet
Unlikely candle scents
I bought a candle. The label said, "Fig-Olive", which sounds like rather a revolting combination, but actually smells quite good. These, however, may not. "The Toronto" A tantalizing combination of raccoon musk and overturned garbage can Last Year's Yogurt "CSI" Experience forensic science in 8 and 10 inch tapers Burnt broccoli-melting styrofoam Unwashed Mawashi $2 Whore Wet Dog fur. Nuff said "The Bender" Tom Waits' breath after a two week drinking binge Campground outhouse State Fair Petting Zoo
Things I never want to see happen on The Sims
Nude clown orgies Goat oil-wrestling Snacktime with Michael Jackson Republican boner contest Goatse ability Jack Ozbourne-Paris Hilton lovefest Projectile Leprosy plague All Sims women become Ann Coulter My Albanian neighbors Yanni soundtrack
Sudden realization
Today I felt old for the first time. No, I'm not getting creaky bones, or wrinkles or even moving slower than I did in my 20s. I discovered … a … white … chest hair. Shoot me now. :oops:viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before…
I am in need of two safety pins
While at the corporate giant coffeehouse the other day, I had the unfortunate experience of standing in line behind a most irksome woman, a beastly snob who felt the world was here to serve her. Picture Harry Potter's fat Aunt Marge with an uppity East Coast accent. She got out of line to ask two other women what their opinion was of her shoulderpads: Annoying woman: "Ladies. If you were to go to a wedding, [ turns around ] and you had these shoulderpads, would you cut them out, or leave them?" Both women said, "Uh, cut them out?" Annoying…
“It was a dark and stormy night…”
Were I to write a novel, there would be no clever plot ideas waiting in my notebooks, but I do have an opening line: "I have no love for the buttons my tailor chose…" It's ambiguous, pretentious and mysterious in only ten simple words. What would yours be?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free…
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