Category: Observations
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Note to Self, No. 5,804
The next time you feel chilly, check to see if you are wearing a shirt. If yes, proceed to 1. If not, proceed to 2. If neither, proceed to 3. If you are wearing a shirt and still chilly, the balcony door is open or the cat is plotting world domination. If you are not…
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Overused Movie Clichés #2
“You don’t look so tough to me.” “It’s not much, but I call it home.” “You can’t prove a thing!” “Are you kidding? She’s slept with the entire team!” “I never kiss on the first date.” “Is this how you treat a lady?” Which is always followed up with, “When I see one, I’ll let…
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Caption Time #92
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More people we dislike #6: The unwashed masses
People who can’t be bothered to flush the urinal or toilet. I have no interest in seeing what you left behind. Stop bragging. Coworkers who apologize for talking with their mouths full, but then continue to do it. Makes me want to sneeze and rub my nose on their sleeve. Weathermen. Useless lifeforms. Coworkers who…
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Random effluvia
Nothing but links today. I’m sure you won’t mind… Corn Maize Photos Tian asks, “Why do you need a parking guide map to all the Walmart stores?” Weird helmets Killer Robot vs. Robot Killer Kids in the Hall to stage reunion tours! The Jack T. Chick Parody Archives The blogs of Angelina Jolie’s kids: Zahara’s…
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Note to Everyone
If I hear anyone singing, whistling, humming or even legitimately discussing, My Humps one more time, I am going postal. Just sayin’.
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Angelina Jolie Facts
In the vein of Chuck Norris Facts, I bring you Angelina Jolie Facts After consumation of the sex act, Angelina devours her mates. Angelina Jolie’s doctor takes her temperature with a Kelvin thermometer. Angelina can start brushfires by walking across grass.* Dolphins and whales frequently beach themselves in an attempt to see Angelina suntanning. Angelina…
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Top ten reasons I do not play D&D
I have a life I like having a live girlfriend. I have enough problems of my own without worrying about an imaginary person’s problems as well My health care plan doesn’t cover “loss of hit points” I’d rather battle my finances than some orcs I like to think there is more to my fate than…
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Got silk?
As if it wasn’t weird enough that scientists have been producing goats that give spider silk from their udders. Minnie and Nichole alerted me to two different articles on glow-in-the-dark pigs. It sounds like something a grandparent would say. “Yeah, that’ll happen when pigs glow in the dark.” viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic…
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Twenty things
I have never pushed a hamster down a flight of stairs When people tell me they want to “think out of the box”, I want to seal them in an airtight one Coffee-drinking is the sport of kings I am no friend of the mighty woodpecker I often wonder if the spork has ever been…
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Ten Best Sleep-Deprived Hallucinations
My fingers are paralyzed and will never type again My eyelids are magnetized to each other I have not only read the same sentence eight times and still have no idea what it says, I remain quite convinced that it is changing meaning on me at will The cat is vomiting in my shoes. Wait,…
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Dwarf and the Seven Snow Whites
Once upon a time, Davezilla went to the Auto Show. There he met Seven Snow Whites living in the Cadillac exhibit. They were sweet and let him take their picture. They let a lot of men take their picture, in fact. Their names were DopedUp, Grungy, Suc, Clappy, Flashful, Sleazy and Creepy (the one on…
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