Top ten reasons I do not play D&D

  1. I have a life
  2. I like having a live girlfriend.
  3. I have enough problems of my own without worrying about an imaginary person’s problems as well
  4. My health care plan doesn’t cover “loss of hit points”
  5. I’d rather battle my finances than some orcs
  6. I like to think there is more to my fate than a roll of the dice
  7. I can’t eat Doritos more than once a year
  8. Spending my Friday nights with a roomful of sweaty, fat men talking about traveling with a group of sweaty, armored men is not my cup of tea
  9. I prefer to end games with points or hotels, not severed limbs
  10. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a codpiece
  11. I’m sure there are more, but it’s 2:30am
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  1. Dave,

    Although I personally have never played any types of role-play-gamesjavascript:SJB_appendSmiley(‘:limp:’)
    :limp:, my friend John Pasden of has made an interesting discovery about life in China vs. RPG:



  2. Duker

    Exactly, Dave. I prefer to play Dick the Damsel!
    Bullie sticks are great on toast, or up your ass!!
    Chuck Norris could feed a whole kennel for 6 months!

  3. D&D is a little before my time (hey, I was born in 1990). But I still wouldn’t play it. I’d rather code and/or compose.

    I’m a different kind of nerd.

  4. milly

    Because my kids stole my husbands dice to use to keep track of there pvp kills in wow and eq2….

    Nerds raising nerds 🙄 😀

  5. Spud

    Chuck Norris should so round house kick D&D into Neverland we’d never ever find it again.

    That’s if he was in a good mood.


  6. Patrick

    Because only losers play D &D! Real winners play Magick, The Gathering! No wait, what I meant was, aaah forget it. Losers is losers no matter how they dress on Friday, or Tuesday, or whenever. :limp:

  7. selkielass

    No codpieces?
    Now I’m going to have to go rework the entire design….

  8. I don’t think I can argue with anything on your list. If you aren’t careful, playing too much D&D will lead to real life role playing at weekends involving spending hours in fields dressed as a viking reenacting some medieval battle.

  9. mitch

    1. The very real possibility that you will never, ever get laid.
    2. They don’t allow D & D at bikers bars.
    3. Ding dong…who’s there? Real Life.
    4. See #1
    5. Genital atrophy
    6. There is no one that you brag to about your prowess at D & D.
    7. You’ll grow up to be a Republican.
    8. Jesus hates D & D players…swear to God, it’s in the Bible somewhere.
    9. It leads to stronger drugs.
    10. See # 1.

  10. cbatdux

    LOL Mitch.

    Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with the Bully Stick.

    Nerd wannabe’s play Runescape.

    Do you have to get a mullet if you play D&D?

  11. Doug

    Although I have never played D&D, I have a shameful admission to make. During my late teens, I played hour after hour of Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, an Avalon Hill war game. Once, playing as the German player, I forced Russia to surrender and achieved a stalmate. Think how lucky the world is that I was not born 100 years ago.

  12. cbatdux

    I used to play D&D for hours on end. The only thing that would get me up is if I was hemoraging watery fecal matter…..

  13. I can never play it again because I once maimed a man in a D&D accident. All I can remember is him rolling that double 20, me seeing red and then the Monster Manual flying from my hand…Oh God.. back to the shrink for me.

  14. MaryL

    It is niether D&D….nor Magick………..

    It’s……..EVER QUEST……


  15. Duker

    I have a confession to make. I just got my computer a few months ago and am learning as I go along. How do you make your user name blue? When I copied and pasted other comments to comment on, why did it look different, how do Uall do it? What is the arrow icon for and what is a script prompt and url? On a lighter note, why does my right nut hang lower than my left??

  16. liza

    lol. i have never ever played D&D, but i had some really weird friends who were obsessed with magic cards 😛

  17. starhealer

    i never got into d&d but my first hubby love magic so i gess i’m a nered by proxy. i have to go cry now ❓

  18. jeffro

    [Comment ID #18635 Will Be Quoted Here]

    No, you don’t play D&D if you have a mullet, You drink a sixxer of MGD and KICK SOME D&D PLAYIN’ NERD ASS!!! if you have a mullet. YEEEE HAAA!!! D&D players have that bowl hair cut & 14 years worth of pimples.

  19. Daniel

    Hold on a minute, I play both D & D and Magic: the Gathering, ad there all lot of those things that do not apply to me. Now I don’t really like D & D as much as Magic, and I don’t play either that often. It is primarily something to do when there is nothing else to do. I my hmetown, things to do are not in overabundance. When you’ve seen most of the movies in the theater that you ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE, then the only thing left to do is go see them again, and I found out there are a lot of diverse people who play Magic in my town, even people who you won’t think would be into nerdy things. Also buying the Magic card ends up being cheaper than seeing a half dozen movies in a month. But trust me even though I do play these games, I am not a fuckin’ Republican(I believe we should smother Bush in a vat of cheese sauce so maybe we could plug up the asshole); I’ve never used drugs in my life and don’t intend to; and I like getting my piece of ass on a regular basis.

  20. Duker

    uh…..I’m serious!……….Dave-Help me, my right nut is now down to my knees!!!

  21. You’ve just never been the dungeonmaster before. Or something.

  22. dawn

    that link was too funny

    so do ya think it’s still called a blowjob if the penis and it’s original owner are no longer attached?

  23. Hmm….

    1. OK, I don’t really have a life
    2. Girlfriends are for wimps. Or, you know, guys.
    3. But I wish my real problems could be solved using a greatsword.
    4. Health plans are for wimps. Or people with jobs.
    5. Agreed. Then again, I love orcs.
    6. Of course there is. There’s an all powerful being looking over you…. the dungeon master!
    7. OK, that’s true.
    8. Mmm… sweaty men. Almost as sexy as gay cowboys.
    9. Good point. However, I am female, so it’s not a requirement.
    10. It’s only 11:30 now, but I’m still sleep deprived from my trip

  24. marcus

    I played D&D from basic to advanced and Magic the Gathering (Legends, Antiquities, etc.) Now I do nothing, but get laid, drink, smoke, and make money. Now, here are some real reason not to play

    1. Fucking books, books, dice, cards, and everything else are too expensive.
    2. When people learn that you have played, they want to swap stories.
    3. The Dungeon Master makes up rules so his friends can win more exp.
    4. Too many fucking rules.
    5. Too many fucking expansions (usually sucky)
    6. Get tired of hearing, ” You are in 10 by 100 room with 100 Liches. What are you going to do?” Come on get real here. I guess reality sucks.
    7. Designing a dungeon pisses people off.
    8. The title geek is not very appealing
    9. You start to go by your character name. “My name is Sipitar and I am level 35 cleric.” In other words, my mace is bigger than yours.
    10. Going to pubs, bars, go go bars, and disco is more interesting that slaying an imaginary dragon. Getting totally pissed is more more fun than drinking with dwarves (unless there real lol) :wtf: Reality is great. 😛

    Bull penises look delicious. Do they make them for humans? :puke:

  25. Just like Marcus, I am also a former gamer.
    I stopped soon after I lost a full night’s sleep after my fire spell went awry and basically ruined the night’s game.

    “2. When people learn that you have played, they want to swap stories.”

    It’s so true, man.
    When they start with it I’ll usually blink out loud and make a turtle in a garbage disposal noise… internally.

  26. franklito

    D& D is whack wats up with grand theft, id rather pimp some hoes then look for what was that an orc, that shit is lame, id rather take a chain gun to the police precinct and blow the s.,t up, then go to one of my hoes house to heal my wounds then throw the game out the f’;’.n window cause that shit is too damn borin, what the f;’;’ dont people know how to go outside anymore, how do you expect to get p :undies: :boob:, not playin no damn video game, i swear when i have kids i ll smack the sh.t out of my kid for even askin for that sh[t , throw some condoms in his face and tell him go get laid, for real that shit is whack. but if hes not old enuff ill hand him some boxin gloves then beat the crap out of him, teach him how to shoot a gun or talk some game, thats the problem with parents they let their kids do stupid sh.. whatever happened to football and basketball and chasin girls , are all the healthy activities gone forever, no wonder theres so many fat people they play video games all damn day, they dont do sh.. god help these people get a life please. im runnin out of non-fat girls man, they all want to stay home and twiddle their thunbs, stupid video games.

  27. franklito

    if women like video games maybe ill let them play it while i play with them but think about how much time is waisted playin that bullshit, no wonder theres so many uptight people in this world they b all frustrated over a stupid game, like that sh.. is real. look you can say whatever you want to try to justify it, but unless they make a game that me and a girl can f..k to, im not playin it. why waste the time. yo im out this sh.t is rediculous .

  28. wow some peps have no life…..why go into such detail….lol
    D&D and magic rules! 🙁

  29. net-surffer22

    :mrgreen: :wtf: yea jeffro, i agree, but only if yur mullet has a spot of blue and green too. hey i know, we could use bully sticks for the joy sticks and blow the wankers off the majics cod piece’s.

  30. marcus

    [Comment ID #18815 Will Be Quoted Here]

    April, How does a turtle in a garbage disposal sound? :puke: :wtf:

  31. I guess you had to be there, Marcus. 😳

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