How to spot a freak
At some point, you've surely heard a friend or coworker say something like, "That person should not be allowed to breed." Well, those people did breed and their spawn all migrated to my city. As you can see from these two photographs, our freaks are not your ordinary tinfoil-hat-wearing, no-sock-having, nine-coat-sporting hobos that you might see in cities like New York or Los Angeles. Ours are a special kind of wrong. The closeup view is even more confusing:
Separated at birth
I am so sorry for hardly posting lately. I have been traveling a lot for work (since November actually). A lot being every single week. Not all hotels have reliable Wifi or even Ethernet cables. Amazingly, the cheaper the hotel, the better the Internet connection and easier to sign on. Stay in a pricey hotel and the connections are as stable as Gary Busey on a bender. Image on right via Raymi the Minx. Left image via TSG
Fashion tips from Davezilla
I don't mind when a person wants to shave their head bald, but if they have a head shape that makes them look like a cross between a concentration camp victim and an Idaho baker, I'd say reconsider. UGGs still suck. Period. You still want to wear these monstrosities? I will hate you. And everyone else agrees with me. Extreme combovers. Seriously. Die.
What not to wear to work
So I went to get my hair cut. I go to a female stylist. Before you make any metrosexual jokes, let me explain my rationale. My belief is, I always go to a female stylist, preferably one that looks like the type of woman I'd want to sleep with. They are most likely to make me look like the type of man they would like to sleep with. If not, I at least have a hot woman playing with my head and not a creepy old man that smells like Aqua Velva. Long story short, I am waiting for my…
Spank my monkey
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Don’t be a trobe
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Guide to Artists’ Models No. 2: The Nudist
Guide to Artists' Models No. 2: The Nudist Second only in popularity to The Earth Mother, The Nudist is usually an elderly gentleman, with a silver ponytail collected from his few remaining strands of hair. His buttocks are withered as raisins and his hairy stomach hangs from him like a weaverbird nest. The Nudist loves the outdoors and finds no greater pleasure than sunbathing on the front lawn, while waving casually to his astonished neighbors. He's retired from his corporate job and now spends his days making wine in his basement in the nude, reading "Naturist" magazines while nude, and…
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