Davezilla’s Dictionary #528
Apecurious: [APE-ih-KYUR-ee-us] Noun One who considers himself a gourmand, but is in fact utterly devoid of basic table etiquette. Bistrough: [BEESE-troff] Noun An overpriced, overrated, trendy restaurant with food not suitable for most scavenging mammals. Dipster:* [DIP-stir] Noun A poseur hipster. Faute Cuisine:* [FOTE-kwee-zine] Noun The food served at a Bistrough; beautifully presented, yet completely inedible. Lipster: [LIP-stir] Noun One who talks the hipster talk, yet remains unproven to his colleagues. New Yorkies: [NU York-eez] Noun Wealthy New York apartment widows possessing one or more pint-sized yippy dogs. Queue Vulture: [Q-VUHL-chur] Noun Any of a number of predatory scavengers that…
Getting laid
The Management is currently getting laid. Please check back at a more convenient time when sexual escapades have subsided. Please note that this will only be a temporary cessation.
My Private Hell
There is a theory that each man and woman has a personal Hell waiting for them. No, not the checkout line at Starbucks. I mean after we die, sillies. A Hell comprised of our worst fears. Surely then, my hell would include: Environment of Hell: All the inhabitants of Hell are clowns. They are all named Biff. Each one pronounces "Biff" differently and takes great offense should you mispronounce it. Everything is painted puce. There are old, buzzing neon Bud Light signs covering every wall. There are no outdoors. Hell is one enormous indoor mall populated with screaming toddlers who…
Complete this sentence #11
The Canadian Election Results are in and in a surprise victory, the __________ party won.
Who needs zoos when you live in one?
It's true. I may be the last human left in my building. I'm in the center apartment, upstairs. To my left are chimpanzees, that screech and whoop during ESPN Sports Center and The Man Show. To my right, the party animals. A young couple of indeterminate species that enjoy drinking until they vomit over their balcony, or playing a quiet game of "throw empties at the raccoons". Below my are the Albanian hyenas which I have written extensively on. On the lower right, a flock of flamingos that enjoy preening their scaly legs on the balcony and flashing their boobies…
Banish Inadequacy
This is just… I don't know. I got nothing. Please sign my petition to get this evil product off the market. Just the thing for that next church picnic: Heavy Metal Belly Dancers! This man's head does not match hiis body. In fact, his head may not match anyone's body. [Link via Nikki] Llap Goch! Ancient Welsh martial art.
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