Note to Self, No. 6,502

Find a way to change our appearance. This year, I was told no less than 19 times to “Have a safe 4th of July,” indicating that I somehow resemble the Latchkey, redneck children that seem to lose useful parts of their anatomy each July by securing coal mine explosives in their teeth or in the rectum of the neighbor’s dog while yelling, “Hey fellers! Lookit this!”