Risky things to do on Thanksgiving Day

21 November, 2007Posted inObservations33 Comments
Stuff the turkey with packing peanuts Schedule the cable TV to be disconnected during the 3rd quarter of the game Replace your grandparents’ decaf with double espresso Melt double salt licorice in the mashed potatoes. You know, for kids! If asked to bring pie and whipped cream, show up naked under a trenchcoat with several cans of whipped cream. Pretend you thought it was a “different type of party.” viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side…

What I’ve learned from cats

17 November, 2007Posted inObservations43 Comments
New shoes are the natural repository for cats to vomit into Your current reading material is the most comfortable place to take a nap There is no cupboard door made that cannot be pried open with a paw The ideal surface for removing clingy cat litter from paws is a laptop keyboard If it can be clawed apart, it will be. If it was meant to be clawed apart, it will be ignored. Catnip is exciting sure, but houseplants, now that’s a real rush. Some of the scultpures in the litterbox Zen garden are deemed too important to be buried…

Getting rid of unwanted holiday guests

15 November, 2007Posted inObservations36 Comments
When the holidays come around, we are once again called upon to perform a duty which I feel should be made illegal as soon as possible: entertaining relatives. As that is not likely to happen in my lifetime, it is incumbent upon us to take matters in our own hands. Here are some solutions I dreamt up while sick in bed this week. I plan on implementing each one this season. John Cakes: Unlike Johnny Cakes which are in fact, edible and quite good, the John Cake is in fact, a highly toxic urinal cake, decked and trimmed into a…

Caption Time #207

14 November, 2007Posted inCaption Time, Observations57 Comments
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OK, OK. You can upload pics of your butt.

12 November, 2007Posted inObservations30 Comments
I've received numerous comments and emails requesting the ability for you lovely readers to upload photos. That's coming, believe me. In the meantime, I started a fan page on Facebook for Fans of Davezilla, the Zilla Girls and Zilla Guys. Feel free to upload all manner of personal pics there until I get this site rehauled.

More people we dislike #17

10 November, 2007Posted inObservations47 Comments
The Brotherhood of Bikers: In my town, there is a rather extensive gang of "Christian Bikers" known collectively as Riders for the Son. Perhaps I didn't pay enough attention in Sunday School, but I don't recall Jesus requesting his followers to ride Harleys and fuck shit up. I am Metrosexual. Hear me score. Look, I like to dress well. I go to a hair stylist as opposed to a barber. Primarliy because I'd rather have my head touched by a stylish, young woman than a lecherous ex-con. I draw the line at getting manicures, man bags, plucked eyebrows and apricot…

Complete this sentence, #38

06 November, 2007Posted inObservations78 Comments
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More people we dislike #16

30 October, 2007Posted inObservations42 Comments
Children that have a complete meltdown in public and need to be dragged out because the little apes refuse to use their God-given legs. Sell these future Wal-Mart greeters on the Black Market. Or eBay. Do it now. Anyone who needs more than five attempts to parallel park. These inbreds need to have their licenses revoked and be forced to walk. Couples that use their pet nicknames for each other while ordering at restaurants. Hey, Pookiebutt. If you insist on talking like you’re two years-old, then we will treat you like you are. From now on, you will be forced…

My loony bun is fine Benny lava

27 October, 2007Posted inObservations34 Comments
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You dick!

26 October, 2007Posted inObservations37 Comments
I don't know what's with kids these days. A young girl approaches me as I am working at my laptop at Starbucks. She tells me she is in second grade and would I like to buy some candy bars for her school. Me: "Sure, how much are they?" Girl: "They three dollar each or three for five." Me: "OK. I just want two though. Can I pay for three and just take two?" Girl: "You dick! You got money for yo' fuckin' coffee. Dick! Buy three. I gots to get rid of these!" viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic…

Additional flushes

23 October, 2007Posted inObservations32 Comments
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