Awesome: Pulling a pair of jeans on, still hot from the dryer on a cold winter's morning. Not So Awesome: The metal button on the jeans is so hot, it sears your abdomen. Awesome: Using TweetDeck to automate Twitter on multiple accounts. Not So Awesome: Posting a highly personal tweet to your work account. Awesome: Watching your cat sit upright like Buddha. Not So Awesome: Realizing your cat just took a dump on your sofa and is sitting in it. Awesome: Putting fake eyebrows on your dog. Even More Awesome:Your fiancée taking pictures of it and posting it here. Photo…

Do we have to get a puppy? I mean, look at that adorable tarantula! I just nuked a bitch. Your wedding dress is so fuckin' badass. Fuckin'-a right, I'm robbin' a bank! The dishes can wait. You need a lap dance. Cobra hunting? Be still, my heart! You don't have all I can eat. You know what I'd like? Some creepy, single guy to follow me around with an upskirt cam all day. Only 3,600 calories? Supersize that shit! I'll fucking starve on that. Yes, dear. I'm completely satisfied.