The Problem with Long Nails

Ever see women with ridiculously long nails? Grown to a length where they begin to curl into talons and turn yellowish? There are some men that grow them long too, but the majority are women. I’ve always wondered how these people get through their every day lives. Think about the things that would be difficult and painful, if not impossible to do with nails like that.

  1. Getting in and out of a taxi
  2. Sending a text message
  3. Zipping up a zipper
  4. Un/Lacing a corset
  5. Un/Hooking a bra
  6. Juggling axes
  7. Braiding hair
  8. Push-ups
  9. Jenga!
  10. Playing hockey
  11. Reading Braille
  12. Using a jackhammer
  13. Putting in contact lenses
  14. Playing Cat’s Cradle
  15. Counting stolen loot
  16. Using chopsticks
  17. Performing a Bris
  18. Self-gratification
  19. Soldering electrical equipment
  20. Wiping a baby’s bum and changing the diaper


  1. Sammy

    21. Network Gaming

  2. 22. Diddling
    23. Giving a hand job
    24. Wiping their own ass
    25. Finger foods
    26. Giving the finger
    27. Digging for gold, aka cleaning out the nostrils
    28. Giving a high five or a fist bump
    29. Fisting

  3. fruf

    holding a hamburfger
    drinking from a paper cup
    tieing your shoes
    scratching you head and giving yourself lacerations]
    scratching her lovers back…to the bone

  4. Avalon

    If we were meant to have claws, I’d want mine to be retractable like a cats.

  5. Petting a cat or dog.
    Pushing an elevator button.
    Giving a massage (that means no happy ending).

    And Avalon, if you’re gonna have retractable claws, why not make them adamantium claws like Wolverine?

  6. Timm

    Talking to deaf people in sign language.. The deaf people responding, “I don’t understand you, those nails give you a weird accent.”

  7. DaPopster

    Giving a dog or cat a good scratch would be no problem but depending on the gender, scratching ones own nuts or someone elses would most likely prove to be problematic or downright disasterous. :wtf:

  8. Keith

    Whenever I see nails like that, my initial thoughts are of how much poop has accumulated in them big ol’ scoops. Must be like trying to dredge a canal with Jai-Alai equipment.

  9. Big Tony

    Believe it or not. I worked with a lady with long nails like that at the Dodge truck plant in Warren Mi. She fit truck doors on the assymbly line ten hr. a day. Not only were they long, they had little gold chains from the nails to the rings she wore on all fingers.

  10. Faith

    Pardon me if this is a repeat, but, um, handjob.

  11. Patrick

    She’s got to own a bidet because there’s no way in hell that ass gets proper attention otherwise. I would imagine that doing anything is a major pain, except caring for those lobster claws and even that probably requires the assistance of others.
    I think Timm gets the award for best answer-“weird accent”, what a hoot!

  12. Niki

    putting in/taking out contacts??

  13. Well, there is ONE obvious benefit. Kinky sex. Need I say more? :wang:

  14. Wolfie

    how about using a regular lighter unless its the type that slides?

  15. pablo

    It used to be that it was a sign of affluence. Meaning they paid other people to do everything on the list. Extra for some of these ideas.

  16. Grey ninja

    pushing buttons on a microwave
    dialing a phone
    pooper scooper duty
    washing dishes
    tickle fights
    bathing your dog
    washing your face
    PUTTING ON EARRINGS (why did nobody think of that earlier)
    brushing your hair
    feeding a hamster

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