Category: Observations

  • Overheard: Cannibal Edition

    I had to capture the speaker’s visage for you, dear readers, so you may avoid this person, should your paths ever cross. Not the best photo, but it’s at least recognizable. Man in photo: “I’m just saying… I’d eat a newborn if it came between me starving and that.” viagra free viagra buy viagra online…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Story Problem

    If Tom has three times as many testicles as Susan, and Susan has one-fourth as many ovaries as Joe, how many BBQ ribs does Mary have, if she has two more Ouija Boards than Tom?

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Overheard: Knock-a-tano Edition

    Woman in line at Starbucks: “May I have a tall uh, that cararmel drink?” Barista: “Macchiato?” Woman: “Knock-uh-tanno?” Barista: “Macchiato.” Woman: “Tach-uh-nano? One more time please?” Barista: [sigh] “Macchiato.” Woman: “I apologize. Those Japanese names really throw me.”

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Where does the time go?

    We’ve all asked ourself the question, “Where does the time go?” I think I have the answer to that question. Look at the photo below: It’s quite obvious. Troy is stealing time from the rest of us. How else could they be the city of tomorrow, today?

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    Davezilla

  • New Old Wives’ Tales to scare children with

    Seeing an ambulance is very unlucky and if you see one, it’s coming to take mommy and daddy away. Forever. A bird flying in the house means you won’t have a birthday this year. If you blow out all the candles on your birthday cake with the first puff you will get your wish. If…

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    Davezilla

  • The Surgeon General has determined…

    …drinking glass cleaner will not turn you invisible …smoking toothpaste may give you minty-fresh cancer cells …shaving with expanding urethane foam will require a much longer razor What have you heard from the Surgeon General?

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Happy birthday, soda lover

    I was nine and going to my grandmother’s for my birthday. I loved going to my grandmother’s house. It was creaky, dark and she had children’s books dating back to the 1920s. The only odd thing about her was her recipes were … unexpected, to say the least. This particular birthday, I was dropped off…

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    Davezilla

  • Overheard: Carpet Cleaners Edition

    Carpet Cleaner #1: “Dude, you ever been to Screaming Eagle Casino?” Carpet Cleaner #2: “Do you mean, Soaring Eagle?” CC #1: “Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah, that one. I been there last week and I wasn’t s’pposed to be cause I’m on probation still.” CC #2: “What the Hell for? CC #1: “Oh, my ole lady turn me in…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Cindy says

    I apologize for not having a photo to accompany this post. Really. The best freak in my entire Freak Watching career apears and I am without camera. Shameful. For weeks now, the baristas at a certain major coffee chain have been bugging me to get a photograph of Joan. Joan is a transvestite, which to…

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    Davezilla

  • Why God, why? II

    Someone pointed me to the second in a series of products that I simply do not grasp. This one being Preggie and Queasy Pops. I shit you not. Preggie Pops are alleged to ease morning sickness. This is no doubt a great relief to many women who will wonder if they cause pregnancy. I wonder,…

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    Davezilla

  • Note to Self, No. 5,736

    Never, under any circumstances, get catnip mixed into an omelette. Tastes like steel.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Note to Self, No. 5,735

    Do not leave the iron on for 36 hours. Seriously. How did you not notice that?

    Written by

    Davezilla