Category: Observations

  • Notes to Self, No. 5,890-5,895

    The next time you press your shirt, make sure you iron both sides before wearing the shirt to work Yes, you really do have a bottle of soy sauce from 2002 to throw away The next time you decide to delete an old folder from the server, make sure you’ve … already downloaded it first.…

  • Caption Time #101

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  • What should I do today?

    Seriously. This is my first entire day off since being promoted in January. What should I do with my day? I am taking suggestions. Be creative. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women…

  • Why I hate local news coverage, II

    To call a local news anchor a skilled reporter is like calling a Pekinese one of the World’s deadliest predators. Here are some of the statements that made me want to take an acetylene torch to my television. We have everything you need for the Olympics Aside from providing a channel, what are you giving…

  • How to annoy the drive through clerk

    “I’ll have a small Coke, no onions.” “What wine goes with that?” “I don’t know what I want. You pick.” “I’m not wearing underwear.” Do you have kids’ meals?” [wait for response] “No, I meant for goats.” “Do you come here often?” “Will you walk my dog for me?” “Can you hear me now?” “May…

  • Little things mean a lot

    Ever notice that littlest things can be the most annoying? For example: Eating a decent bowl of clam chowder and suddenly biting into sand Walking through a yard and getting a single strand of spiderweb across your cheek, which means you will be feeling the damned thing for the next two hours Watching someone speak…

  • Complete this joke

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  • Valentines Day cards I’d like to see ♥

    Happy Valentines Day, darling!You can get naked now. I never thought I’d meet a womanwho was such a perfect combinationof sensitivity, beauty and grace.Plus you swallow. I even cleaned the toilet seat for you. Three Magical Words: Get naked now. My heart wants to say I love you.My penis wants to say something, too. Your…

  • Complete this Sentence, #31

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  • Surefire ways to get your ass kicked in Arkansas

    “Who are the Razorbacks?” “I don’t eat steak.” “You have a college basketball team?” “Say y’all again.” “How come all your food is fried?” “Look! She’s wearing camouflage downtown.” “Football is too violent.” “I love a good quiche.” “I just bought a toy Yorkie to guard the house.” “Cats are so much better than dogs.”…

  • How to drive in winter

    Always have an ample supply of junk food at hand Be mindful of other drivers Use turn signals frequently Play restful music to soothe nerves When weather worsens: Begin furiously slamming down junk food, especially those little Hershey’s Miniatures Remember that other drivers are not as important as you are Use horn frequently and accelerate…

  • Note to Self, No. 5,811

    The next time you go to the laundromat, ensure that the box of Arm & Hammer you are taking with you is detergent—not cat litter. That was embarrassing.