Observations

To call a local news anchor a skilled reporter is like calling a Pekinese one of the World's deadliest predators. Here are some of the statements that made me want to take an acetylene torch to my television. We have everything you need for the Olympics Aside from providing a channel, what are you giving me? Free tickets to Italy? A training coach? A weeks' worth of beer and pretzels? There could be another terrorist attack on US soil As if the terrorists hate our dirt. This medal ends a 30-year curse on the American team Curse? What curse? Have…

"I'll have a small Coke, no onions." "What wine goes with that?" "I don't know what I want. You pick." "I'm not wearing underwear." Do you have kids' meals?" [wait for response] "No, I meant for goats." "Do you come here often?" "Will you walk my dog for me?" "Can you hear me now?" "May I talk to you about the Lord Jesus Christ?" "Do your burgers come in a size 6?" "I'd like the sesame seeds on the buns arranged according to size in micrometers. I'll wait." "Who is that? I told you not to come over anymore! I'm…

Ever notice that littlest things can be the most annoying? For example: Eating a decent bowl of clam chowder and suddenly biting into sand Walking through a yard and getting a single strand of spiderweb across your cheek, which means you will be feeling the damned thing for the next two hours Watching someone speak at a luncheon, and noticing they have a piece of corn dangling from their beard that doesn't have the good graces to fall off on its own Talking to a drop dead gorgeous woman who has a lazy eye Hearing a mosquito in the bedroom…

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"Who are the Razorbacks?" "I don't eat steak." "You have a college basketball team?" "Say y'all again." "How come all your food is fried?" "Look! She's wearing camouflage downtown." "Football is too violent." "I love a good quiche." "I just bought a toy Yorkie to guard the house." "Cats are so much better than dogs." viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to…

Always have an ample supply of junk food at hand Be mindful of other drivers Use turn signals frequently Play restful music to soothe nerves When weather worsens: Begin furiously slamming down junk food, especially those little Hershey's Miniatures Remember that other drivers are not as important as you are Use horn frequently and accelerate to the drier lane as quickly as possible Remove CD after hearing it four times. Hurl into back seat with great force Drop last Hershey's Miniature under front seat Attempt to steer with knee while looking under seat for Miniature Swerve to avoid oncoming traffic…

I'm not normally one to post memes here, but I was tagged by the famous Joe Lamantia, so I couldn't say no. Four jobs I've had Pet store manager Illustrator Web Designer Information Architect Four movies I can watch over and over Raising Arizona The Wicker Man Serenity Resident Evil Four places I've lived Darien, Connecticut Birmingham, Michigan Detroit, Michigan Royal Oak, Michigan Four TV shows I love Myth Busters The Office Daily Show Walking with Dinosaurs Four places I’ve vacationed San Francisco, California Vancouver, British Columbia Boca Raton , Florida Toronto, Ontario Four of my favorite dishes Dal Curry…

The next time you feel chilly, check to see if you are wearing a shirt. If yes, proceed to 1. If not, proceed to 2. If neither, proceed to 3. If you are wearing a shirt and still chilly, the balcony door is open or the cat is plotting world domination. If you are not wearing a shirt, it is laying on the ironing board. Still. I don't know. Why am I still chilly? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online…

"You don't look so tough to me." "It's not much, but I call it home." "You can't prove a thing!" "Are you kidding? She's slept with the entire team!" "I never kiss on the first date." "Is this how you treat a lady?" Which is always followed up with, "When I see one, I'll let you know." "What's that smell?" "Not me!" "I-I've never done this before." "My family moved around a lot. I never made too many friends in school." "This doorway leads … to Hell!" viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap…