Air Freshener Scents that Didn’t Make the Cut

Mountain Gorilla Fresh Rainy Dog Fur Breezy Cheeses Gym Locker Fresh Chernobyl Springtime Bacterial Orange Junkyard breeze Sowheto Morning Durian Orchard What scents would you reject? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra…

Note to Self, No. 6,441

The next time you have sushi, and have a large cut on your finger, avoid touching the wasabi. Over the years, I've severed my thumb, been stung by a disenchanted lionfish and fallen down a flight of marble steps on my head. They pale in comparison to this. Sixteen hours later and it still feels like God stuck fire ants under my skin with orders to kill. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female…

Overheard: People are Stupid, IV

Art Director: "So… where do you work?" Me: "I'm in Digital. I work on social media. I do ethnographic analysis of blogs, metaverses, wikis, that sort of thing." [ pause ] Art Director: "Oh. So, you make Webs?" Starbucks Customer: "I want a late coffee, please." Barista: "Excuse me, a what coffee?" Starbucks Customer: "Late coffee." Barista: "OK, that one I haven't heard before. Can you describe it?" Starbucks Customer: "Oh fer Chrissakes, It's on yer goddamn menu up there!" Barista: [ Looks where woman is pointing ] "That says latté, not late." Biker: "You sure wear a lot of…

PEDESTRIANS PROHIBITED

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Unused euphemisms for girly bits

Velvet Lounge Usage: "The Velvet Lounge is open for business." Hip Sconce Usage: "The hip sconce needs attending to." Soft Cloth Car Wash* Usage: "Like a run through the ole Soft Cloth Car Wash?" LOLPUSSEH Usage: "Lolpusseh am in ur unerwarez, taunting ur mens." Spadina Usage: "That's a rather large Spadina you have there." What are your personal names for girly bits? Please don't be too gross. With assistance from the lovely Natalie See also: Unused euphemisms for boy bitsviagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra…

Unused euphemisms for boy bits

Atrocious Mushroom Usage: "Then he pulled out his Atrocious Mushroom…" Pleasure Girder* Usage: "He ravished me with his Enormous Pleasure Girder." Fun Log Usage: "Hey, baby. Bet ya never seen a Fun Log like this." Pink Zucchini* Usage: "I was tending the Pink Zucchini." Land Eel Usage: "Don't be frightened. That's just my Land Eel peeking out." Boy Tube* Usage: "You got a Boy Tube." Remote Control Usage: "Stop playing with your Remote Control when we have company." Boy Canolli Usage: "I wasn't going to do him till he showed me hos Boy Canolli." TEH Peeneh Usage: "LULZ! Invisble peeneh!…

Iron Chef Challenge

Let's see that bastard cook with these secret ingredients: Tears of a Clown Cream Rinse Shampoo Food for thought A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido Snake Oil Gum Arabic Hen's Teeth Primordial Soup Mystery meat Any others? Anyone? Bueller? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free…

Bag Lady

You know, after 12 years of doing this site, it takes a lot to surprise me. This one did it. A perfectly normal woman, nicely dressed, ordering a normal drink at Starbucks. She just happened to have her foot wrapped in a plastic shopping bag and scooted it along in a baby stroller. Speaking of feet, for the project so far, you readers have sent in: feet, fingers, faces, breasts, hips, arms, ears, chins, tummies and an Adam's Apple. We need a few more parts to build the entire body.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra…

Finish this story

Nimbus Fallon, world-famous cloned sheep, had achieved super-human intelligence. Within hours of her birth she was gamboling about the meadow, days later she was explaining Fermat’s Theorum to college freshmen at Cornell University. At three months old, she became the first quadruped to solve a Rubik’s Cube with hooves. But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that…viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online…

More people we dislike #15

Mean people who win the lottery. The cashier at Baja Fresh who continually gets my order wrong because, “There’s no other vegetarians.” Advertisers who are suffering from the delusion that all senior citizens spend each day walking in slow motion on the beach their golden retriever. People who say, “We’ll give them the dog and pony show.” I’ve been to several of these presentations and have yet to see either a dog or pony. Color me disappointed. People who give me migraines so bad that I don’t post on time. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does…

Not what I will be wearing…

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