Unused euphemisms for boy bits

  1. Atrocious Mushroom Usage: “Then he pulled out his Atrocious Mushroom…”
  2. Pleasure Girder* Usage: “He ravished me with his Enormous Pleasure Girder.”
  3. Fun Log Usage: “Hey, baby. Bet ya never seen a Fun Log like this.”
  4. Pink Zucchini* Usage: “I was tending the Pink Zucchini.”
  5. Land Eel Usage: “Don’t be frightened. That’s just my Land Eel peeking out.”
  6. Boy Tube* Usage: “You got a Boy Tube.”
  7. Remote Control Usage: “Stop playing with your Remote Control when we have company.”
  8. Boy Canolli Usage: “I wasn’t going to do him till he showed me hos Boy Canolli.”
  9. TEH Peeneh Usage: “LULZ! Invisble peeneh! kthxbai.”
  10. What are your personal names for boy bits? Please don’t be too gross.

*With assistance from the lovely Natalie. Tomorrow: euphemisms for girly bits.

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Show 32 Comments


  1. Red Dog

    Mine would be red dog… as in “Don’t you be puttin’ your red dog in me red dog, Red dog!!! As for Mandy, If you won’t wear the solar bikini for Dave, do it for the planet Earth on this… Earth Day 2007!!

  2. I refer to mine as a one eyed trouser snake! And yes Mandy should wear a solar bikini. :wang:

  3. sledge

    Throbbing Python of love snaky huh

  4. junkman

    if mandy’s wearing the solar bikini i guess the “mad dog” or the “englishman” would be up for a little sun stroke.
    -“the pepito” the latin version of little johnny
    -“the hammer” well, it is a tool
    -“the wee willy winky” we all know the short story
    -“big jim and the twins” sounds like paul bunyan’s southern friends.
    -“the roddy mcdowel” of “lassie cum home”, “bermuda triangle”, “the pied piper”, “my friend flicka”, “thunderhead-son of flicka”, “tuna clipper”, “big timber”, “inside daisy clover”, “bedknobs and broomsticks”, “hello down there”, “nutcracker fantasy”, “the naked target” fame. :wang:

  5. Spud

    Junkman left me laughing my spleen up with all those, consequently I can’t think of anything else.

    Well, nothing worth repeating in anycase.

  6. “Pitchin’ a tent, sportin’ a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icycle has formed, Jack’s magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger… oh, and a pedro.” – Varsity Blues

  7. StevieC

    Actually, I’m trying to come up with terms that couldn’t be used as a euphemism for boy bits. Now that I wrote that, anything with ‘boy’ in it usually isn’t good and you can definitely scratch anything off the list that uses the word ‘cute’. Other than that, you’re pretty much good to go.

  8. One-eyed cucumber
    Dickle Von Hausen
    Carpet beetle
    Happy lapper

  9. Duker

    R U talking about Mr. Happy? Darth Laider? The ole cowkiller?! :wang: P.S.- If you wrap your guinea pig with duct tape, it won’t explode! :wtf:

  10. Bigwavdave

    One-eyed trouser trout

    Purple-headed hose monster

    Willy – Usage: I’m ’bout to free Willy…

  11. Amber

    Bologna Pony…Woodrow Wilson… 😀

  12. chainstay

    veined and swollen love torpedo!

  13. junkman

    [Comment ID #175232 will be quoted here]

    i couldn’t believe roddy mcdowell did “bit” parts in all those wierdly named movies.

  14. pablo

    Spelunker – crevase explorer
    Al Gore – wooden & stiff
    one of the Hardy Boys – if you know what Nancy Drew
    Dickasaurus Rex – Walks on two legs and devours all it sees
    Willy & the poor boys – for the CCR fans
    the Library – has both Longfellow & Balsac
    piledriver – more for the gay penis owner
    USS Enterprise – boldly goes where no man has gone before

  15. The triple A battery, the double A battery and, of course, the D-Cell Battery! :wtf: :wang: 😈

  16. pablo

    [Comment ID #175324 will be quoted here]

    A list of all of the things you don’t need with your solar powered bikini

  17. AnnieB

    Hey folks … go vote for Davezilla on the blogger’s choice awards (click on icon at top). I just checked and there’s only been 17 freaking votes cast. It shows the name of who has voted so we know who you are … you bunch of slackers!
    Poor Dave … after all you do for us … I just don’t get it.

  18. junkman

    i’m relentlessram just so nobody gets the wrong idea. vote for davezilla!

  19. Bigwavdave

    Love to vote for ya big guy, but the window won’t open. :limp:

  20. Jay Laverdure

    Heat Seeking Moisture Missile-
    My Enormous Male Cruelty

    (Courtesy of a Robin William’s routine)

  21. tinamarie

    Other than simple names, like “Little Phil”, or when aroused “Big Phil and the Twins”, my favorite comes a line in the movie “Dirty Old Men”, where the old guy asks his son if he had sex with his girlfriend. “Son, did you take the skin boat to tuna town?”

    Love it! :mrgreen:

  22. I kindly suggest the following:

    1. Spunk Rocket
    2. Love Plunger
    3. Monkey Pump
    4. Moisture Magnet
    5. Crotch Sausage
    6. Frank
    7. My Brain

  23. AnnieB

    Inflatable monster usage: As in look, Mommy, look at my inflatable monster. Can I play with it? Oh. Nevermind.

  24. CaffeineAddict

    Pinnochio-As in Pinnochio is going to Pleasure Island.

    Rockard Woody-Self explanatory

  25. Fudge Packer
    Dark Lord
    Lord Vader
    Willy Nelson
    Wee Willy Winky :wtf:
    Short Stop 🙁
    Quarterback (uncircumsized)
    Pixie Stick 🙁
    4×4 Dodge Ram
    Dark Angel
    Angel of Death (ref: orgasm called “little death” somewhere)
    Black Stallion

    Ben & Jerry
    Two Bits
    Cahones/Cajones (never understood this one, in spanish it means drawers)

  26. Drusky

    I always heard it as a Heat Seaking Crotch Rocket developed by the Navy for undercover entry and deployment of semen… 😈

  27. Flash Gordon

    I always called it my purple-top or saucer-head.
    :wang: :wang: :wtf: ❗ :thong:

  28. Spanky

    Can’t believe no one’s added this yet: Love pump!

    from the classic movie “This Is Spinal Tap”…

    Interviewer: That’s beautiful. What do you call it?
    Nigel: I call it “Lick My Love Pump”


  29. Mandy

    Toad the Wet Sprocket

  30. Kkkkathryn

    Insist on nothing less than “the leviathon of love”. Weed-whacker is perky, too.

  31. Kkkkathryn

    wait…I forgot:

    “My-Poor-Long-Johnson” :dead: 💡

Comments are closed