Observations

Girl 1: "Have you seen my new tat? I don't think I've seen you since I got it." Girl 2: "No! Lemme see!" [looks at her shoulderblade] Girl 2: "Oh, cool! Is it permanent?" Girl 1: "Yeah… That's kinda the point." Girl 2: "Really? Nothing will wash it off?" Girl 1: [shakes head] Girl 1: "What if you use a really good exfoliant?" Girl 1: "OHMYGODYOUARESUCHAMAJORDORK!"

I looked up the definition of thong by accident (yeah, right) and found an interesting word as part of the definition: Thong underwear and swimwear is a style characterized by a thin strip of material along the center of the garment's rear designed to sit between the wearer's asscheeks connecting the front or pouch to the waistband behind the wearer.[1]

Dogs lay eggs. Your parents hide them from you and you eat them on Easter. Clowns eat children. After your pointless birthday party, one of your friends will be sacrificed to appease them. If you don't eat your vegetables, you will have to stay in the third grade forever. Your parents only make you take math as a punishment. The only kids that can see Santa Claus are the ones who eat broccoli, rhubarb and spinach. Sixth graders learn to turn invisible in science class. Then they watch you in the bathroom. Diaries are closely monitored by the government. Everything…

Order the identical meal as your friend. When the waitress puts them down on the table, give her a dirty look and switch plates, shaking your heads as if you've never seen anything so stupid. If the restaurant serves those deep-fried Twinkies (or anything similarly artificial), ask if the Twinkies are free-range organic. Both order identical stir fries. Complain that yours has fewer grains of rice. You counted. Order your grilled cheese medium rare. Order your pie "a la commode". Ask the bartender for a dirty martini, "but no raisins in it this time". Leave unusual names with the hostess…

Here's a question. If you see a man wearing his napkin as a bib at a non-seafood restaurant, should you assume he is an adult baby? I do. My guess is that the makeshift bib is a signal to other adult babies and nannies that this restaurant is diaper-friendly. Just thrown' it out there. [BTW, today's link has been fixed.]

While your partner is brushing their teeth In the middle of a funeral Mid-hurricane While juggling flaming hatchets During a tightrope walkover the Grand Canyon While being hunted down by cannibal clowns After divorcing them During a zombie outbreak While shark baiting underwater When do you think would be an inappropriate time to initiate sex?

Psychically melt the brains of the person(s) responsible for the meeting. Switch the agenda for one written in Pig Latin. Stare intently at the speaker's face as if they have a monstrous zit on their cheek. Give the "your zipper is down" signal to the speaker numerous times during the meeting. Scream at the top of your lungs that you, "…just had the worst nightmare that I was in this horrible meeting!" Perform a striptease. Request unusual music. Inquire where this "box" is that everyone is thinking outside of, cause you sure haven't seen one lying around the office." If…

If someone tells you they are at your disposal, does that mean they are standing by your kitchen sink? If a AA bra that is extra small, and a DD bra is extra large, why are there no BB or CC bras for women who are nicely average? What the hell kinda name is Chock full o' Nuts anyway? Coffee ain't a nut; it's a berry. What have you been pondering, lately?

Lice Krispies Kellogg's Porn Flakes Frosted Mini Feets Sugar Frosted Aches Ape Nuts Cap'n Chronic Brute Loops Unlucky Harms Funny Bunches of Goats What cereals names would you reject? If you need some inspiration, look through Mr. Breakfast.

The whole of the Interwebs are alight with chatter of whether or not a nekkid lady is reflected in Dick Cheney's sunglasses. I say that's ridiculous. Have you ever seen Dick Cheney? No woman would get naked in front of him. Here's a few guesses of mine. What are your guesses?