Year: 2008
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Caption Time #261
NOT a Zilla Girl -
Caption Time #260
Apologies for the lack of posts; I have been away on work-related travel with a shaky connection to the Inter Webs.
Caption Time #260 -
Caption Time #259
Caption Time #259 -
Failed Horror Movie Ideas
- Pantsuits of the Damned
- Dawn of the Bagel
- The Hills Have Starbucks
- The Cabinet of Dr. Phil
- Invasion of the Body Shapers
- Whatever Happened to Milli Vanilli?
- Don’t Go Inside My Trousers
- I Know What You Did at Band Camp
- Friday the 14th
- What movies would you like to see?
With assistance from Mark Simon
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Things to Avoid on Thanksgiving
- Showing up naked with a loaf of Melba Toast
- Screaming at the gravy
- Recreating Devil’s Mountain with the mashed potatoes
- Inviting radical Islamists for dinner and asking them to convert to Jesus
- What would you avoid?
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Things I Learned from Movies, Part V
- Whenever magic is being performed for the first time, black clouds instantly roll in.
- If a cop or some para-military soldier pokes at his own eyes, then forwards twice in the air, trouble is coming.
- Giants and large dinosaurs move in slow motion. Small dinosaurs move with lightning speed.
- In real life, putting up your open palm signals someone to stop. In the movies, this is how Native Americans greet each other.
- In real life, putting up your closed fist means Black Power. In the movies, this is how Ninjas signal each other to stop.
- Women have always worn thongs, even in the Renaissance.
- The first time a werewolf transforms, it will take up an entire chapter on a DVD and involve painful screaming. Subsequent transformations take only seconds and are painless.
- If a sea monster is large enough to eat your ship, it will.
- Giant snakes will feed 6-10 times a day, every day, rather than resting a month between meals.
- All Eastern European grandfathers hunted witches. All Eastern European grandmothers are witches.
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Mr Sensitive? You BET!
The other day I made a comment to someone that got an unanticipated response (I know, right, me saying something that bothers someone? how … odd).
I suggested that if superpowers were on the bartering table, I would see my way through to selling my soul. I mean, superpowers. Come on. Who wouldn’t want that. Even assuming that I’m not completely serious about bartering an unsubstantial, non-recordable and altogether magical essence for the concrete power to teleport, or shoot laser beams from my eyes, or whatever power I chose, it’s a good topic of conversation. It gets the ball rolling. From there we could have gone with ‘WHat would you sell your soul for’ or ‘What’s the nastiest place you had the sex in?’
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