Davezilla.com

Year: 2008

  • Where I was all weekend, Part I

    Lizz and I took a much needed vacation up north this weekend. I had planned a month in advance to get a romantic Bed & Breakfast for the Fourth of July weekend. Sadly, my favorite B&B gets booked up three months ahead so I booked with another place. The week of, I got a panicked call from the proprieter who said she had just received my check that day. It was mistakenly delivered to the neighbor, who had never bothered to bring it over until three weeks later. Needless to say, she was booked solid by then.

    I made arrangements at the only place open for 25 miles: a motel. I couldn’t find pictures of it anywhere and when we drove up, our hope of a good weekend quickly faded. This place was a dump, clearly untouched since the mid ’60s.

    Beachcombers Motel

    Yes, that is a recent picture, taken on Saturday. One redeeming feature: the pool was clean and just the right temperature. Best of all, empty.

    The pool was clean, at least

    Part II tomorrow

  • Caption Time #239

    Caption Time #239

    Spotted these two the other day. The “female” on the left actually changed her shirt out on the sidewalk. I nearly threw up. Apologies for the dirty window spots showing up.

  • Minimum Required Asshole Distance

    Minimum Required Asshole Distance

  • Caption Time #238

    Caption Time #238

  • Ride the Goatse 2!

    Ride the Goatse 2!

    Image via Queen Rosebud

  • Caption Time #237

    Caption Time #237

    Saw this guy walking around downtown Royal Oak. I love my town.

  • I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that one

    How many times have I heard that one?

    Image via Rick. In case you’re wondering, this is actually an old Lysol ad. Just think. Women used to douche with Lysol. No wonder our grandparents hated sex.

  • Ride the Goatse!

    Ride the Goatse!

  • Thank Ghod!

    Thank Ghod!

  • (Sorry, away at a convention. Pics to follow)

  • Soak Zone

    Lizz and I had sushi at a swanky jazz club last night. Seated near Lizz was a rather large and beastly woman. Midway through her meal, the woman sneezed. And what a sneeze! She attempted to cover her mouth, but this only succeeded in deflecting the spray that was to come into cone-like soak zone, similar to those one encounters at zoological parks.

    One second after the sound of the sneeze, a literal rain of sushi rice flew over our heads, one large glob slapping me in the cheek. It was one of the singularly most disgusting experiences of my life. Instantly I thought of Monty Python’s Meaning of Life. You know the scene. “It’s only wafer thin.” Well, that.

    soak zone

    But wait, there’s more! Behind me, was a round table with several senior citizens in bibs attempting to crack open crabs. The oldest one, who faced Lizz, tried desperately to crack open a large leg, only to have it spring forth from the cracker, bounce off the belly of his friend and land on the floor. I saw none of this; Lizz filled me in. Just when I thought the weirdest was over, Lizz’ face froze and her eyes widened.
    Me: “What?!?”
    Lizz: “That guy. Crab leg guy. He just picked the leg up off the floor and ate it.”
    Me: “Ten minute rule.”

  • The love that dare not speak its name

    The love that dare not speak its name

    Image by gsw