2005 | Page 5 of 30 | Davezilla.com

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 5: Former Fashion Model

By Davezilla 14 November, 2005Uncategorized27 Comments

The Former Fashion Model At first glance, the first year art student may assume the professor had brought a cadaver for the class to draw. Then the cadaver coughs, a miserable, cancerous cough that produces more than a few moths and dust. It is not a cadaver, but a former fashion model, driven to nude modeling in a last ditch attempt to get men to appreciate her faded glory. Back in the 1970s, when boob jobs were still in their infancy, she rushed at the chance to get the operaion in hopes that it would increase business. Large breasts were…

Notes to Self, No. 5,801, Breakfast Edition

By Davezilla 13 November, 2005Observations23 Comments

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Guide to Artists’ Models No. 4: The Closet Pervert

By Davezilla 13 November, 2005Uncategorized31 Comments

The Closet PervertPossibly the ugliest known human (certainly the ugliest person I've ever drawn) is the Closet Pervert. At only thirty-three, he looks closer to ninety-seven, owing to chronic masturbation which has sucked away his life force. With his greying locks, he resembles one of the Founding Fathers, but as no woman in her right mind would sleep with this panty-sniffing letch, he hasn't fathered a thing. During art class, the Pervert's eyes never stand still. They are constantly looking under easels to see what color underwear the women are wearing. A bead of sweat forms on his brow if…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 3: The Hippie Chick

By Davezilla 12 November, 2005Uncategorized40 Comments

The Hippie ChickMaking a dramatic resurgence in popularity in recent years, the Earth Mother's younger, inebriated equivalent, the Hippie Chick is a sight to behold. Or flee from. Look for silky hair, wavy, golden-red and reaching almost to the floorâ€”and that's just her armpit hair. Her skin is either sun-freckled or drug-acned, and I don't wish to get close enough to determine which. Many a man has seen her cutting flowers at outdoor concerts, naked as a jaybird, butâ€”from the amount of leg hairâ€”mistook her for a Satyr. She has one of those odd builds: child-bearing hips, but almost no…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 2: The Nudist

By Davezilla 11 November, 2005Freaks34 Comments

Guide to Artists' Models No. 2: The Nudist Second only in popularity to The Earth Mother, The Nudist is usually an elderly gentleman, with a silver ponytail collected from his few remaining strands of hair. His buttocks are withered as raisins and his hairy stomach hangs from him like a weaverbird nest. The Nudist loves the outdoors and finds no greater pleasure than sunbathing on the front lawn, while waving casually to his astonished neighbors. He's retired from his corporate job and now spends his days making wine in his basement in the nude, reading "Naturist" magazines while nude, and…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 1: The Earth Mother

By Davezilla 10 November, 2005Freaks52 Comments

Guide to Artists' Models No. 1: The Earth Mother The Earth Mother is probably the most common of artists' models. A vast expanse of doughy flesh topped with a mop of unshorn hair, she is happiest walking aboutau naturale in the presence of young men. The Earth Mother feels it is her duty on earth to inform budding artists of the benefits of an all-tofu diet, something she is clearly not adhering to, given her ponderous girth. Quotes: "Maybe the men in the class would be more comfortable with my body if they explored it physically. Y'know, just to get…

If or if not my butt was pointyâ€¦

By Davezilla 09 November, 2005Observations47 Comments

From The Schoolyard Rhyme Project: UNITED STATES Baby, baby Stick your head in gravy Wash it out with bubble gum and send it to the Navy SOUTH AFRICA Yum yum bubble gum Stick your finger up your bum If it's nice, lick it twice Yum yum bubble gum DENMARK Hvis og hvis min rÃ¸v var spids og fuld af limonade, sÃ¥ mÃ¥tte du min ven slikke den til ballerne blev flade [English Translation] If or if not my butt was pointy and filled with lemonade, then you my friends could lick it until my buttocks were flat I am dying…

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By Davezilla 08 November, 2005Uncategorized27 Comments

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Full frontal blogging

By Davezilla 07 November, 2005Original Humor42 Comments

What was your first experience seeing a naked person in a movie? Summer of '42, that was mine. I mean, that was the name of the film, not when I saw a naked person in a film. I thought Jennifer O'Neill was the hottest woman on the planet at the time. I was probably 11 years old and Summer of '42 was playing on TV after midnight (yes, we had color television back then). Someone in the station forgot to censor the movie, and I saw my first bit of girl bits. Amazing. Not that I hadn't seen them prior,…

GAG, Inc.

By Davezilla 06 November, 2005Uncategorized18 Comments

Caption Time #78

By Davezilla 05 November, 2005Caption Time24 Comments

Radio Free Royal Oak

By Davezilla 04 November, 2005Observations12 Comments

Thursday evening yours truly was interviewed by the fine folks at The DropCast for an upcoming webcast about this site (I'll link to it once it's live). In a synchronistic turn of events, a smooth jazz radio station was broadcasting from the apartment below me. By broadcasting, I do not mean that someone had the stereo up. I mean the DJs and crew were having a party in the apartment directly below me. Astute readers will recall that this very apartment was formerly occupied by the Albanian Hyenas. While this in itself is an odd coincidence, it wasn't all that…