Guide to Artists’ Models No. 4: The Closet Pervert

The Closet Pervert

Nude Model: The Closet Pervert

Possibly the ugliest known human (certainly the ugliest person I’ve ever drawn) is the Closet Pervert. At only thirty-three, he looks closer to ninety-seven, owing to chronic masturbation which has sucked away his life force. With his greying locks, he resembles one of the Founding Fathers, but as no woman in her right mind would sleep with this panty-sniffing letch, he hasn’t fathered a thing.

During art class, the Pervert’s eyes never stand still. They are constantly looking under easels to see what color underwear the women are wearing. A bead of sweat forms on his brow if he spies some cotton and shortly after, he salutes the class with his miniscule wood and begins furiously stroking, unaware that the entire class is now vomiting.

Shortly after the trial, he changes his name and moves to another county.


  • “Can the women all see me? Maybe they should move to the front row.”
  • “I lost a testicle once, while รขโ‚ฌยฆ watching a movie.”
  • “I wasn’t touching it; I-I-I had an itch!”
  • “Are you wearing a thong?”
  • “You can’t throw me out! I didn’t finish.”
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    1. Spud



    2. There is not enough bleach in the world to undo the damage that you have cause my eyeballs today. Nor an icepick big enough to scratch the images from my brain. ๐Ÿ˜•

    3. KAY ADAMS

      where did you find that picture of uncle sammy?

    4. frisko

      Earth Momma Live and in a thong….thanks Dave and Jim. Thats hot.

    5. Craig

      LOVE the skullet!

    6. Mandy

      Dave, we want to see a real :wang:, not a pencil-dick.

    7. Marcus

      Hey! That reminds me of all the old guys that hang out in Thailand looking at Thai girls. Ewwwwe:wtf:

    8. Marcus

      You little horsey.. quote from video link. Oh my god, I lost it. Couldn’t stop laughing:wtf::wtf:

    9. Nina

      You out did yourself this time!

      You need a vomiting smiley face to put on here!!!!

    10. Oh and I just had to watch the link of the day! :dead:

      Now I really need the puking smiley face to use…I think I’m going to lose my breakfast!

    11. I see you met my Uncle Charlie


    12. hippychick

      I agree with Mandy. Down with the pencil dicks :limp: and UP with the manly man :wang:
      As far as the links, my optomotrist says “no more davezilla links for you”.

    13. Ace

      Sex + Flab Smack = Hot fun for everyone!!
      But one must be careful while participating in such acts, you wouldn’t want to explain any bruises to your friends with a “Oh, that. I got smacked by my ol’ lady’s flab.” Or worse come back to consciousness in a hospital and have to explain to the doctor that your girl didn’t know her own strength and accidentally knocked you out with a smack of her flab!

    14. Stephanie

      I don’t know how long this guy can stay a closet perv, you can see it in his eyes. It is easy to see that there is nothing but dirty thoughts running through his mind. So dirty that he spends his entire day in a fight with his penis trying with all his might to stay in control of his urges, which in the end he justifies as “natural.”

    15. Stephanie

      Dude… that link… Dude.

    16. logan

      please put some:dead: oh too late:oops:

    17. misskitty

      Hey my ex husband is a :undies: sniffer wait i think thats him ,yeah he had a pencil :limp:to, o m g how weird is this. Jeeze thanks for the memories dave. (notice i said EX)

    18. Must.think.nice.thoughts.

      Bunnies and blue clouds or something, anything, to get the image of the perverted geezer out of my mind. ๐Ÿ˜•

    19. Lizzie

      I like they way he’s grabbin those ass cheeks..:wtf:…roflmao

    20. lynz

      :-?that’s very disturbing!

    21. frisko

      Bobby says:

      “crouching fat man, slapping stomach” :thong:

    22. mike

      ๐Ÿ˜Ž wheres mick:twisted: he he

    23. Lace Valentine

      I think I’ve seen the Closet Pervert in the D&D Monster Manual. :dead:

    24. Sarah

      OMG that link….I swear she called him “you little…pause….you little turkey”

    25. Da Popster

      EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Would sand papering my eyeballs work to rid me of that image ? ๐Ÿ˜•

    26. jktw

      NSFW? That’s NSFA! (Not safe for Anywhere!)

    27. Christall

      The sad thing about that pic is that he actually looks like the kind of guys that live in my neck of the woods and thats sooooo scarey because they all look like perv’s here.

      if i had a music button to push readers would be listening to the theme song for DELIVERANCE and we would be floating in a canoe.

    28. Mandy

      We better see a nice :wang: tomorrow, Dave.

    29. :hurl::hurl::hurl:thats the man that used to ask me if i wanted some candy when i would walk by his house after school

    Comments are closed