What I’m thankful for

25 November, 2005Posted inObservations26 Comments
I am thankful that my family doesn't make me eat tofurkey I am thankful that ferrets do not have opposable thumbs I am thankful that cars don't run on pudding I am thankful that David Lee Roth is not a paramedic where I live I am thankful that my landlords chose lime and indigo for the hallway instead of magenta and olive viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra…

Caption Time #79

24 November, 2005Posted inCaption Time22 Comments
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A jillion things about me

23 November, 2005Posted inObservations31 Comments
I do not own a waistcoat I am not a member of the Illuminatus I am non-stick and won't fade in warm water I have never yelled at a Praying Mantis I detest gauchos, skorts and ugs Mice fear me I hold low opinions of the willfully ignorant I prefer beer to liquor and soy milk to pistol whippings I hate when DJs say "Rocktober" I am petitioning to have caffeine declared a vitaminIf I could sum up my life in one word, it would be antilugibriluositanimousI eat carbs in the face of Atkins dieters, and wear glasses before anyone…

IKEA has interesting manuals

22 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized32 Comments
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Overheard: Goblet of Fire Edition

21 November, 2005Posted inObservations26 Comments
During a screening of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Natalie and I ended up sitting next to J-Lo's hairstylist (or so he claimed). He also claimed (loudly) that he did hair for Natasha Stilwell, host of Discovery Canada's Daily Planet show. His comments gave me weeks of material, but I've decided to condense my 10 favorites into one post. "OMG… Look. It's J-Lo. I absolutely LOVE her. See the hair? That's a tri-layer. Three colors. Takes four hours. Wait, shhh, look at this thing she does with her leg. Faaaabulous!" "No, this is the fourth movie. They're all…

Imaginary post

20 November, 2005Posted inObservations41 Comments
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Chick magnet

19 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized22 Comments
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Here to rock you

18 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized41 Comments
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Complete this sentence #27

17 November, 2005Posted inObservations182 Comments
Longtime reader Dante sent in an excellent idea: Good thing, too. I was too busy to come up with a post! Here's the idea: I start a story and each one of you continues it. Here's the catch: You can only add one word per comment. Got that? One word. Lurkers? You help out, too. Use a fake name and email. Here goes. I knew I shouldn't have brought my ________viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra…

Podcast interview

16 November, 2005Posted inObservations16 Comments
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Overheard: Laundromat Edition

16 November, 2005Posted inObservations24 Comments
Neighbor: "Crappy weather, huh?" Me: "Yeah, it sure as Hell is." Neighbor: "Stepped in every gaddampt puddle tanight." Me: "Oh?" Neighbor: "Yeaaaaaah. Went to the Mervyn's sale. They're going outta business." Me: "I hadn't heard." Neighbor: "Oh sure, and wouldn't ya know it? They were closed." Me: "That's a drag, eh?" Neighbor: "Yeaaaaaah. I really needed a new bra. I only got two and this one's fulla cigarette burns. See?" Me: " … "viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 6: The Dribbler

15 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized27 Comments
The Dribbler Despite his brutish, troll-like appearance, the Dribbler is an excellent model, able to hold unchallenging poses for an hour without tiring. Yes, he has more body odor and hair than a Musk Ox. Yes, he has 5:00 shadow by 9:15 am. These are all excusable and minor in comparison to the trait that gave him his nickname.You see, unlike the Closet Perv, who gets off on being naked in front of young women, the Dribbler takes his work seriously and with great dedication. If only his body had the same attention span that his brain had. His second…