Chickens are metal

Chickens are metal

21 March, 2024Posted inObservations
I just had a “Snap Meal” from Imperfect Foods. Prior to this “meal” I assumed that chickens were avian, organic lifeforms, descended from dinosaurs. I know better now. They are, in fact, one of the toxic heavy metal compounds along with lead, arsenic, beryllium, et al. Hiding them in orange grease does not disguise their metallurgic origins. Chickens are a metal.
Sausages!

Flotsam and Jetsam

14 August, 2023Posted inwtf
McSweeney's has been on fire lately, and this gem is no exception. I REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT I WILL NOT BE CANCELING MY PLANS WITH YOU TONIGHT Some random flotsam and jetsam images that have been floating around my laptop. I had to see them, so now you do, too.

Random Effluvia, No. 328

29 April, 2023Posted inLinks of Note
1 First off is this gem my wife found. The 2023 Lost and Found Index. Some real gems in here. Among my favorites: A pin with Jesus holding slice of pizza 16 oz of fake blood A printer and remote-controlled vibrator Small camping stove and my funeral pamphlets 6 cheesecakes 2 fingernails A power of attorney document issued by Turkish consulate Definitely worth a skim… 2 These astonishing and slightly unsettling tattoos from Spanish artist, Adri Reigada (@adrireigada) Adri Reigada is a Barcelona tattoo professional now working in London. 3 The best prom invitation ever. Ever.
A Greek statue of a man facepalming from all the client lies he hears

Lies clients (still) tell freelancers

13 February, 2023Posted inObservations, Original Humor
The lies clients tell freelancers never change. I often wonder if there's a business class where the prof tells students which lies to use on us. When we go IPO, your cut will be huge. You’ll be raking it in because you were there for us at the beginning.” “This is the kind of project that will make your career. You can write your own future after this.” “I need you to do me a solid on this one. I know it’s a nothing budget and the turnaround time is physically impossible, but this will lead to so many more…

Terrible Ideas for Tattoos

12 June, 2022Posted inBad Ideas
I've seen some terrible ideas for tattoos in my time. Hell, I've come up with some. But the public does it better. Homer Simpson bending over so the tat owner's navel is his asshole. The Warner Bros. Tasmanian Devil holding a beer, with the caption, this bud's for me (alternately with a joint). And I really don't get the goth girls who get open-mouthed devil faces down there. Thanks, no. Here's some more that really exist. You're welcome.

Garganornis: Even its name is evil

05 July, 2021Posted inObservations, Original Humor
Just picture being a Cro Magnon. You’ve just gotten a nice cave in the ‘burbs for the fam. Worked hard on the garden damn, those 15 lb. Rafflesia flowers are looking fine. Then you hear it. Honking. Not the wimpy honk of a long-dead Velociraptor. Nope. There used to be a giant goose named Garganornis. It was so tall, it stood up to Chris Helmsworth’s nipples. Picture a flock of giant geese shitting on your lawn and not just hissing at you. These fuckers would just eat your face and change your cable channels. Garganornis ballmanni. Photo via WikiMedia.