Lies clients (still) tell freelancers

A Greek statue of a man facepalming from all the client lies he hears

The lies clients tell freelancers never change. I often wonder if there’s a business class where the prof tells students which lies to use on us.

  1. When we go IPO, your cut will be huge. You’ll be raking it in because you were there for us at the beginning.”
  2. “This is the kind of project that will make your career. You can write your own future after this.”
  3. “I need you to do me a solid on this one. I know it’s a nothing budget and the turnaround time is physically impossible, but this will lead to so many more jobs. I’m already picturing you running all our brands someday.”
  4. “I never got your signed contract in the mail.” I signed it in front of you. You signed it, too. I have a copy right here. “That’s fake. I never signed that. I don’t even know who you are.”
  5. “Do this for free, but think of the exposure you’ll get.” I have more followers than you. I’m a verb in the Urban Dictionary, I’m quoted in over a dozen business books, and someone wrote a Wikipedia entry about me. Frankly, I don’t need the exposure. “No, I’m talking real exposure.”
  6. “We’re gonna be the Uber of janitorial products.” You’re hiring janitors to drive products to people? “What. No! We just sell plungers and parts.” Then… how are you the Uber of anything? Completely different business model. “I thought you were a professional.”
  7. “It’s OK to use her soundtrack in my video. I have the rights to every song Beyoncé ever wrote.”
  8. “There’s no such thing as copyright infringement on the internet. Everything is stolen.”
  9. “PayPal must be slow. My account got hacked once and now it takes like um, 53 more days to clear. For security! This protects both of us. You get it. You’re smart.”
  10. “We did tons of user testing on this bad boy.”
  11. “I sent the check yesterday. Our mail doesn’t always get picked up from our office.”
  12. “Are you sure you sent the invoice to the right person?” Yes, I sent it to Kate, like I do every month. “Oh, no. Kate’s gone, man. You gotta send it to Lauren.” Funny, I just spoke with Kate, who is very much still there and she told me to call you. “Look, I don’t have time for your excuses.” What.