Observations Archives | Page 45 of 47

Fun with Shopping Carts

By Davezilla 18 August, 2004Observations16 Comments

Owing to some past-life, seventh generation Irish curse, I have been destined to tarry on this earth forever branded as the poor soul with the squeaky shopping cart. It never fails. I test and experiment, to the dismay and amusement of other savvy shoppers, but always end up with the cart that sounds like a thousand metal rakes dragging carelessly across a chalkboard the breadth of the Mississippi River. Being the victim of this lifelong curse has taught me one thing: the curse cannot be broken, but it can be exploited. Pretend your cart has a flat. Drag a jack…

The Collect Call of Cthulhu

By Davezilla 16 August, 2004Observations20 Comments

Yoggy Yog: Yo man, pick up the phone. Pick up the phooooone, bitch. … C'mon, you squid-lookin' muthafuckah. Pick up the damn phone! Operator: Collect call from … Snoop Yoggy Yog? Uh, for Mister Keth-uh-loo? Do you accept the charges? Cthulhu: The Hells you want? Yoggy Yog: Shut it, fool. Where's my CD, beyotch? Cthulhu: CD? I ain't promised you no damn CD? Man, why you gotta be that way? Yoggy Yog: What way? Cthulhu: Calling me collect. Your celly get turned off AGAIN? Yoggy Yog: Maybe. Cthulhu: Bitch, I can't help you if you can't even pay your damn…

Notes to self: 4,705-4,709

By Davezilla 12 August, 2004Observations25 Comments

Do not rub eyes after using the kitchen sponge. Do not look at the hot secretary while walking towards the heavy glass door. Check your zipper before meeting new clients. :oops: No matter how tempting or funny it seems, do not put tortilla chips on the cats' heads. They will wait until lights out and retaliate. Never trust a woman who wears enough mascara to scare a raccoon. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects…

Blame it on Rhea

By Davezilla 11 August, 2004Observations28 Comments

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Overheard: Victoria’s Secret Edition

By Davezilla 10 August, 2004Observations41 Comments

I went to Victoria's Secret with my friend Lisa on Saturday. Long story. Cut to the chase. VS is a pretty good place to hear some interesting conversations. Mother: I can't believe you wore that yellow skirt to the mall. [Daughter is around 15 and wearing a thin yellow mini] I can see your thong right through it. How embarassing. Daughter: … Mother: You know, you don't have to wear anything under it. Overweight wife: [points to a beautiful corset] Oh, isn't that beautiful? I wish I were thin. I would totally wear that. Overweight husband: Oh, but you are…

Thinking outloud

By Davezilla 09 August, 2004Observations31 Comments

Do you think there are any hot babes along the International Date Line? Is it possible to truly have civil disobedience? I buy plenty of finger food, but my hands just never seem hungry. Tuber is one of the silliest words in the English language. Say it outloud about ten or eleven times and you'll agree with me. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal…

“No, George! That’s not what I meant…”

By Davezilla 07 August, 2004Observations21 Comments

Have a drink on me

By Davezilla 02 August, 2004Observations16 Comments

The next time you're at a drinking establishment and are being served by someone who is obviously new to the job, have a little fun with your order by asking for drinks that sound real, but aren't. Rum and E. coli Toejito Muddy Mary Rhubarb Margarita Dead Russian Boilmaker Mold Fashioned Phillips Head Screwdriver PiÃ±ata Colada Sects on the beach Chocolate Laxative Martini Tapioca Sunrise Slippery IUD Gin and Toxic Manshattan Long Island Iced Pee Cosmopoxitan Vodka and Demonade Slutty Irishman Cobra Libre Jello Salad Shooters Whiskey Sourpuss Beer and Snots Fake Orgasm With help from the lovely Natalie.viagra free…

It’s baddass with the butterfly

By Davezilla 29 July, 2004Observations18 Comments

Enough said

By Davezilla 28 July, 2004Observations23 Comments

Things we’d like to see

By Davezilla 27 July, 2004Observations22 Comments

It is the job of an advertising mascot to amuse us and help us remember a particular product. Unfortunately, most of them serve only to annoy the bejeezus out of us. All week I will be getting out my aggressions on the mascots we've come to hate. I detest the Arby's Oven Mitt and the Hamburger Helper Hand and want to see them turned into a voodoo poppet and hand of glory, respectively. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra…

Roaming Gnome’s latest adventures

By Davezilla 26 July, 2004Observations18 Comments

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