Tag: Observations
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How to photograph a cat
Place cat on sunny spot near a window Focus camera Move cat back onto sunny spot near window Focus camera Look for cat under sofa Call for cat Get out can opener Put cat back on sunny spot Focus camera Marvel at beauty of cat Praise cat for sitting so still Take photo Look at…
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Why I hate local news
Brock: “On today’s headlines, why opening your front door could be hazardous to your health.” Michelle: “Also on today’s headlines, you may be harboring a menace in your refrigerator and not even know it. Hear about dangers to your children that are lurking in your kitchen.” Brock: “But first, a look at this morning’s waking-up…
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Spotting a Bad Date
She counts the number of syllables you say in each sentence and informs you. She sits down to watch the Disney Channel with your parents. In the nude. She believes Jack Chick tracts to be very real and accurate. She wears sweatsocks under her nylons. Her armpit hair is corn-rowed. Your friends tell you that…
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More people we can safely dislike #4
Ex-Marines who constantly say, “Hey. That’s how we did it in the Corps.” The guy who feels compelled to one-up every story anyone tells The masses who annually forget how to brake after the first 1/2″ of snow falls. Mainly Southerners, who—bless their hearts—can’t drive decently any time of the year People who brag at…
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What I’m thankful for
I am thankful that my family doesn’t make me eat tofurkey I am thankful that ferrets do not have opposable thumbs I am thankful that cars don’t run on pudding I am thankful that David Lee Roth is not a paramedic where I live I am thankful that my landlords chose lime and indigo for…
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A jillion things about me
I do not own a waistcoat I am not a member of the Illuminatus I am non-stick and won’t fade in warm water I have never yelled at a Praying Mantis I detest gauchos, skorts and ugs Mice fear me I hold low opinions of the willfully ignorant I prefer beer to liquor and soy…
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Overheard: Goblet of Fire Edition
During a screening of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Natalie and I ended up sitting next to J-Lo’s hairstylist (or so he claimed). He also claimed (loudly) that he did hair for Natasha Stilwell, host of Discovery Canada’s Daily Planet show. His comments gave me weeks of material, but I’ve decided to condense…
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Imaginary post
If a joke had appeared here, what would it have been? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative…
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Complete this sentence #27
Longtime reader Dante sent in an excellent idea: Good thing, too. I was too busy to come up with a post! Here’s the idea: I start a story and each one of you continues it. Here’s the catch: You can only add one word per comment. Got that? One word. Lurkers? You help out, too.…
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Podcast interview
Recently I was interviewed by the fine folks at The Dropcast. The interview is now online in three formats: itunes direct download and stream viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side…
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Overheard: Laundromat Edition
Neighbor: “Crappy weather, huh?” Me: “Yeah, it sure as Hell is.” Neighbor: “Stepped in every gaddampt puddle tanight.” Me: “Oh?” Neighbor: “Yeaaaaaah. Went to the Mervyn’s sale. They’re going outta business.” Me: “I hadn’t heard.” Neighbor: “Oh sure, and wouldn’t ya know it? They were closed.” Me: “That’s a drag, eh?” Neighbor: “Yeaaaaaah. I really…
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Notes to Self, No. 5,801, Breakfast Edition
When making oatmeal, the required steps are: Boil water Add dried oatmeal to bowl Add the water to the oatmeal before eating viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female…
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