Spotting a Bad Date
She counts the number of syllables you say in each sentence and informs you. She sits down to watch the Disney Channel with your parents. In the nude. She believes Jack Chick tracts to be very real and accurate. She wears sweatsocks under her nylons. Her armpit hair is corn-rowed. Your friends tell you that you couldn't have just asked her on a date. She died in a car accident 10 years today. She brings a clipboard of criteria you must meet. Dogs and small children naturally flee when she approaches. She lives in a pond. What bad dates can…
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