Tag: Observations

  • Two Shakes of a Lamb’s Tail

    How come when someone says, “I’ll be there in two shakes of a lamb’s tail,” it always takes about 45 minutes? Just how big is a lamb’s tail?

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • More people we can safely dislike #22

    Oh man. I have been subjected to appalling grammar this week. I want to put these folks under citizens arrest … for the murder of the English language! People who say “360°” when they meant “180°,” as in “His attitude went 360°.” That doesn’t mean he changed his attitude. That means it’s right back where…

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    Davezilla

  • Worst Gifts to Give Your Girlfriend or Wife

    The Good Wife’s Guide A weight scale The phone numbers of every stripper you’ve ever met A porcupine Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride Manual A mustard sandwich An extension cord, used A box of rust An ultimatum What gifts would you shy away from giving?

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    Davezilla

  • More people we dislike #18

    Comcast Tech Support, for having service interruptions all fucking week Lane drifters, Sunday or not Guys who change their clothes at Armani Exchange outside the dressing room Anyone who greets me with, “Hey, guy!” Anyone who greets me with, “Hey, boss!” Anyone who greets me with, “Hey, chief!” Anyone who greets me with, “Hey, captain!”…

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    Davezilla

  • The Fifth Circle of Hell

    CANTO XIII: In most of the United States, when it’s time to renew your driver’s license, or get new tabs for your plates, you might go to the DMV (Dept. of Motor Vehicles). Not so in Michigan. We go to the Secretary of State—known to Dante Alighieri as the Fifth Circle of Hell. It is…

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    Davezilla

  • Overheard: People are fuh-reaks edition

    GIRL 1: “Um, I got him a tie, a video game and his-and-hers buttplugs.” GIRL 2: ‘OMG! I bought Mike the same things!” [From Natalie, overheard on the subway:] MAN: “Don’t those blow-up dolls come with orifices and shit?” PERSON IN DELI: “Is this milk? It says it is. Is it?” viagra free viagra buy…

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    Davezilla

  • Movie Reviews in Haiku

    Reviews in Haiku 300 Best. Movie. Evar. Goddamned kids keep yelling out, “Dude! This… is… SPARTAAAAAA!” Beowulf Did they really have Hot chicks like Angelina In ancient Denmark? Spiderman 3 Wow, three criminals That’s three times the excitement And one third the plot. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End Captain Jack is gone Thankfully…

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    Davezilla

  • Facebook apps I want to see

    Auto Ignore: Getting too many app requests? Not only will this app ignore all requests from your annoying so-called friends, it will simultaneously remove the app from their profile. Fun! Great FunWall of China: Like FunWall, but with more restrictions. A lot more. It’s really not all that fun, come to think of it. Don’t…

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    Davezilla

  • Shut happens

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    Davezilla

  • Ameriker

    (Apologies if your RSS feeds got a post that isn’t there. It’s on the redesign site, which is now 99% done and working, so if you’re testing the new site, it’s there.) We now return you to your regularly scheduled humor. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra…

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    Davezilla

  • 2008 New Years Resolutions

    Longtime readers know that the every year I post my resolutions and ask for yours. I like to make mine easily achievable. You know, aim low and finish the year having achieved all of them. I resolve not to smear jelly on the face of my enemies. I resolve not to run naked through the…

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    Davezilla

  • And furthermore… Part II

    After the chair debacle, Liz and I sat down in chairs from polite persons of less than great intelligence. An hour or so later, we saw someone else approach the rude genius from Channel 4. A portly woman, dressed rather like a peasant or Renaissance Festival employee. Being somewhat large, she was possessed of—to put…

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    Davezilla