Worst Gifts to Give Your Girlfriend or Wife

  1. The Good Wife’s Guide
  2. A weight scale
  3. The phone numbers of every stripper you’ve ever met
  4. A porcupine
  5. Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride Manual
  6. A mustard sandwich
  7. An extension cord, used
  8. A box of rust
  9. An ultimatum
  10. What gifts would you shy away from giving?
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comment 39 comments
  • russ

    An industrial weight scale.

    Every stripper you’ve ever met. :boob: :boob: :thong:

  • Sherri

    The Skinny Bitch diet book
    πŸ˜•

  • ospirin

    For a brief moment I thought a diamond friendship ring would make a good gag gift this year.

  • rust

    A box of rust

    WHAT? How about rust’s TOOL? :wang:

  • clem

    Herpes, even though it is a gift that would keep on giving! 😐

  • Da Popster

    Tapes of conversations with ex-girlfriends, some of whom she wasn’t aware of ….. πŸ˜†

  • Nicolette

    Your latest sex tape featuring your G/G’s Sister, Mom, and weird, cross dressing Uncle Harold. :puke: :wtf: :puke:

  • chainstay

    My wife told me she wanted a dishwasher, so I gave her my girlfriend’s phone number!!

  • Meagan

    The condom you said you wore last night.
    Following that, herpes. 😯

  • julesOdeNile

    i bet giving her gift vouchers to rub your mum’s feet when ever she’s(wife) stressed out, might not have your well meaning effects on her. 😯 πŸ™„ :wtf: 😐

    on a very distant and unrelated topic. ’tis my B’day (yaay!) I was mugged at gun point last night…. there’s a reality check! 😈 ❗ πŸ˜• πŸ˜₯ 😑 :limp:

  • Timm

    A 1980 Plymouth Volare

  • Spud

    A clue

    A cold

    The clap

    Money

  • blips

    Vaseline hand lotion and Kleenex

  • StevieC

    A restraining order

  • StevieC

    Nothing – which just happens to be what she asked for.

    A subscription to Gay Living magazine

    A gift certificate for a free separation agreement

    A family dinner with your other wife

    A copy of Blowjobs For Dummies

    The Atkins Diet book and Victoria Secrets lingerie that’s about 4 sizes too small

    A private dance

    Anything that you think is either really funny or really cool

  • fruf

    a nose hair clipper
    an indusrial strength vibrator with 23 forward and 6 reverse speeds that also grinds coffee
    a sex shops’ lingerie ..a teddy that is too small
    any appliance

  • junkman

    an airplane douchebag
    a last exit to brooklyn douchebag
    a domo douchebag
    a monkey fist up my twat douchebag
    a national post douchebag
    a robert paulson fat titty douchebag
    an “i’m a baby from the 60’s and there is a fucking douchebag stuck to my fucking head” douchebag.

  • Patrick

    [quote comment=”562291″]My wife told me she wanted a dishwasher, so I gave her my girlfriend’s phone number!![/quote] Rimshot!
    Ladies and Gentlemen, (and I use both terms loosely) we have a winner!

  • AnnieB

    Clothes, lingerie in his size

    McDonald’s Gift Certificates

  • Bigwavdave

    I still like the old standby – A New Lawnmower

  • Nik

    Advice

  • Lung the Younger

    A Rosario Dawson face mask for when you want sex with the light on.

    A full set of matching bumper cushions for when she has to park your car.

    A spring hinge that raises the toilet seat after either of you use it.

    A GPS unit, so that the next time she asks β€œwhere our relationship is going”, she can damn well work it out for herself.

    Tongue Botox

  • andrea

    This isn’t even a joke, I got an iron one year.

  • Don

    A can of sardens and a dildo

  • Lounge Puppy

    Can I be serious for a moment? Gifts my ex-husband gave me that are self-centered and not appreciated: a cookbook; scratchy, uncomfortable, racy lingerie; any appliance for the house; chocolates that he eats most of. What these say to me? That he doesn’t like my cooking, thinks I’m not sexy enough, equates me with a household appliance, and thinks I should share all my chocolate. 4 more reasons he’s my EX-husband.

    This is not funny, but it’s true.

  • Bigwavdave

    [quote comment=”563948″]Can I be serious for a moment? Gifts my ex-husband gave me that are self-centered and not appreciated: a cookbook; scratchy, uncomfortable, racy lingerie; any appliance for the house; chocolates that he eats most of. What these say to me? That he doesn’t like my cooking, thinks I’m not sexy enough, equates me with a household appliance, and thinks I should share all my chocolate. 4 more reasons he’s my EX-husband.

    This is not funny, but it’s true.[/quote]
    For what it’s worth, here’s my take: Cookbook = Let’s try some new recipes, broaden our gastronomical horizons…Racy Lingerie = (Should be comfortable) Guys are very visual (that should be a no-brainer given the comments on the Zilla pages), and variety IS the spice of life…Chocolate = I always hand pick Mrs BWD’s favorites and try to look wistful when she opens the box…Household appliance = Unless it’s something you specifically asked for…He’s a brain-dead loser!

  • Flash Gordon

    Tickets to the Rosy show.

    Set of tools for household odd jobs.

    Unless you look like Rosy O’D, There’s nothing wrong with racy lingerie; ask

    AnnieB. :thong: :knickers: :wang: :kiss:

  • cornbot

    As the girlfriend wife, here is what I have already received as early Christmas gifts this year from boyfriend husband:

    a) announcement that as of next Friday, he is embarking on yet another redirection of career path (this makes 3 since the start of the new millennium).

    b) he has made a decision, without consulting me, that said new career will be multi-functional; i.e., house-husband and sex toy.

    I am not sure these are the worst gifts I mighta got from him. a) is pretty effing close. b) is, in reality, a much better present, but it in no way resembles what I asked Santa for this year (video conversion software). So, sheesh.

  • StevieC

    cornbot & Lounge Puppy – you ladies need to find yourselves a Zilladude who will treat you right.

  • Lounge Puppy

    [quote comment=”563960″][quote comment=”563948″]Can I be serious for a moment? Gifts my ex-husband gave me that are self-centered and not appreciated: a cookbook; scratchy, uncomfortable, racy lingerie; any appliance for the house; chocolates that he eats most of. What these say to me? That he doesn’t like my cooking, thinks I’m not sexy enough, equates me with a household appliance, and thinks I should share all my chocolate. 4 more reasons he’s my EX-husband.

    This is not funny, but it’s true.[/quote]
    For what it’s worth, here’s my take: Cookbook = Let’s try some new recipes, broaden our gastronomical horizons…Racy Lingerie = (Should be comfortable) Guys are very visual (that should be a no-brainer given the comments on the Zilla pages), and variety IS the spice of life…Chocolate = I always hand pick Mrs BWD’s favorites and try to look wistful when she opens the box…Household appliance = Unless it’s something you specifically asked for…He’s a brain-dead loser![/quote]

    I realize this is the wrong place to complain about getting lingerie for a present. Also the wrong place to make a non-funny comment. I’m surprised you seem to agree about the household appliances. Just doing my part to give men a clue. Any ladies on my side? If not, I’ll just crawl quietly back to my studio apartment alone.

  • Lounge Puppy

    [quote comment=”564542″]cornbot & Lounge Puppy – you ladies need to find yourselves a Zilladude who will treat you right.[/quote]
    Amen

  • Kennyh2o

    Annie B got the closest on this one , you got to get inventive folks, a good idea is a good thought one something you can have fun with and eat too!!

  • junkman

    wow. a lot has been said here that is quite meaningful. it has been very revealing at times and has had me sit back and reflect on some real relationship truths. i still believe from the bottom of my heart that one should never gift one’s wife a douchebag for christmas. call me old fashioned. :love:

  • junkman

    since we are getting so close to dinkmas again i thought i would remind you all about the invention of a fairy story about a bearded dude in the sky who comes down to earth and dinks this broad named merry. she gets dinknant. she rides on a dinkey across the desert with her dinkholded husband to dinkereth where they can be dinked in a census. she gives birth to the baby dinkus on dinkmas day no less. he is lying in a dinker when 3 dink men come to visit him after following a large dink in the sky. they presented him with dink, dinkencense, and dinkmyrhh. that’s why we give each other dinks on dinkmus day. didn’t want any one to forget the real meaning.

    p.s. it’s not cool to gift the baby dinkus a douchebag if you happen to be a dink man :wtf:

  • StevieC

    junkman, methinks you’ve been dinking too much.

    Mary Dinkmas and to all a good stedge.

  • Drusky

    [quote comment=”564589″][quote comment=”563960″][quote comment=”563948″]Can I be serious for a moment? Gifts my ex-husband gave me that are self-centered and not appreciated: a cookbook; scratchy, uncomfortable, racy lingerie; any appliance for the house; chocolates that he eats most of. What these say to me? That he doesn’t like my cooking, thinks I’m not sexy enough, equates me with a household appliance, and thinks I should share all my chocolate. 4 more reasons he’s my EX-husband.

    This is not funny, but it’s true.[/quote]
    For what it’s worth, here’s my take: Cookbook = Let’s try some new recipes, broaden our gastronomical horizons…Racy Lingerie = (Should be comfortable) Guys are very visual (that should be a no-brainer given the comments on the Zilla pages), and variety IS the spice of life…Chocolate = I always hand pick Mrs BWD’s favorites and try to look wistful when she opens the box…Household appliance = Unless it’s something you specifically asked for…He’s a brain-dead loser![/quote]

    I realize this is the wrong place to complain about getting lingerie for a present. Also the wrong place to make a non-funny comment. I’m surprised you seem to agree about the household appliances. Just doing my part to give men a clue. Any ladies on my side? If not, I’ll just crawl quietly back to my studio apartment alone.[/quote]

    The part about the household appliance depends on what we’re talking about… my line of work involves major appliances and I’ve seen the reaction:

    $15-20 Toaster = death by hellfire and don’t fall asleep next to her while she’s still awake…

    $50-150 Vaccuum = castration with a rusty spoon and lots of Bactine…

    $1800-4000 stainless steel refrigerator or commercial quality range = excited scream and the husband/boyfriend walking around tired looking but with a HUGE smile on his face because the vaccuum wasn’t what was doing the sucking… :wang:

  • cornbot

    [quote comment=”566381″]junkman, methinks you’ve been dinking too much.

    Mary Dinkmas and to all a good stedge.[/quote]

    As one might say at the end of any fervent wish: ahhhh, men. :wang:

  • Lounge Puppy

    Just one more comment… give me a major appliance for a gift, and it’s mine after the divorce.

  • nichole75134

    [quote comment=”564589″][quote comment=”563960″][quote comment=”563948″]Can I be serious for a moment? Gifts my ex-husband gave me that are self-centered and not appreciated: a cookbook; scratchy, uncomfortable, racy lingerie; any appliance for the house; chocolates that he eats most of. What these say to me? That he doesn’t like my cooking, thinks I’m not sexy enough, equates me with a household appliance, and thinks I should share all my chocolate. 4 more reasons he’s my EX-husband.

    This is not funny, but it’s true.[/quote]
    For what it’s worth, here’s my take: Cookbook = Let’s try some new recipes, broaden our gastronomical horizons…Racy Lingerie = (Should be comfortable) Guys are very visual (that should be a no-brainer given the comments on the Zilla pages), and variety IS the spice of life…Chocolate = I always hand pick Mrs BWD’s favorites and try to look wistful when she opens the box…Household appliance = Unless it’s something you specifically asked for…He’s a brain-dead loser![/quote]

    I realize this is the wrong place to complain about getting lingerie for a present. Also the wrong place to make a non-funny comment. I’m surprised you seem to agree about the household appliances. Just doing my part to give men a clue. Any ladies on my side? If not, I’ll just crawl quietly back to my studio apartment alone.[/quote]

    O.k. here’s the deal, the lingerie was just bought from the wrong store but your guy tried. I admit lingerie is really a gift for your guy but the right kind (silk, expensive ” not cheap”lace) can feel so lovely against the skin. this gift gives you the upper hand in a way because he has got to be good to see you in it. And I don’t feel it means you aren’t sexy enough but just the opposite, It means he he think you are so sexy he thought you could pull off wearing it when he saw it. Cookbooks and or appliances well that’s never happened to me but, if I was to get something like that, it could be made sexy as well i.e. pull your man in the kitchin with you. Cooking together can be HOT. As for the Chocolate he meant well that is what he is told by the telivision is romantic, sometimes it is. If it’s the nasty prepackaged box be glad he is eating it, in fact feed him the rest

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