Tag: Observations
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Title this album, #1
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You will never be this cool
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Bad things to get fired over
Imitate South Park characters for the duration of an important client meeting. Terrorize the staff by pretending to be “a big, angry bear”. Hide office silverware in the photocopier. Play Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds radio broadcast on the loudspeaker system. Throw out office equipment in an effort to, “appease our new, alien overlords.”…
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I do my social work there, too
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Note to Self: No. 6,444
There is a vile invention, one which I was seduced into buying in a weak moment. The product is known as the SudaCare Shower Soother, a blue tablet that when dropped into a shower stall, alleges to release menthol vapors, much as a cyanide capsule does to a condemned prisoner. The cyanide capsule, I am…
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More words and phrases we hate
Topic suggestion by Sherri P. “Don’t be a hater.” I prefer, “Don’t be a ne’erdowell. Beyotch.” “Guys, let’s really think outside the box on this one, k?” “I think we’ve screwed the pooch.” I really hate it when people make compound words from words that shouldn’t be compound. For example, “Whatsay you and I have…
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Overused Movie Clichés #4: Cops & Strippers
In any strip club, there will only only three men at the catwalk, watching the strippers. These men will only hand out one dollar tips, yet the strippers will somehow earn $1,000+ a night and live in lavish apartments. There will also be one bouncer in the strip club and a detective at the bar…
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Spa Day for Men
I was instant messaging with my dear friend Minnie, yesterday. She mentioned that she had just gone to one of those fancy, all-day spa treatments. She had a chocolate body wrap and then 500 naked slave men washed her in Crystal champagne while virgin turtledoves flew down from heaven and fed her cheese nips. Or…
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More people we dislike #13: Long queue edition
The earth mother who holds up the entire queue by taking 18 minutes to arrange her carry-on in the overhead compartment, and then complains that the flight is late taking off The prat who holds up the line at the coffeehouse by demanding a 142° latte. As if they can tell. The senior citizen who…
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Open letter to Continental Airlines
Dear Continental, First of all let me thank you for all the exciting new terms I learned this week, while traveling on your aircraft. News to me: I thought “departure” meant “the time the plane will leave”. I now know that it means, “the time we decide to announce that your plane will be two…
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Fashion Tips for the Clueless
For the Gents (written by Davezilla) Experimental facial hair will warm the jowls and frighten the fair sex. “Prison-bitch” pants went the way of the Dodo. Take note. There is a fine line between looking ruggedly unshaven and looking like you’ve spent a weekend bender with Gary Busey. “Manpris” (capris for men) can only be…
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How to speak in Programmer
When they say: “The SMTP mail server may be acting erratically today.” They really mean: “Turn me down for a date, will you? See if you get email anymore.” When they say: “Is that really a good user experience?” They really mean: “You’re cutting into my World of Warcraft time.” When they say: “You haven’t…
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