All the elements of a good story

06 March, 2006Posted inUncategorized58 Comments
Longtime readers may recall an incident in December, 2004 involving my neighbor leaving her thong on the welcome mat. On Friday evening, I heard her and two of her drunk girlfriends stumbling up the stairs. After a lot of giggling and swearing, I clearly heard my neighbor plead, "Don't pee in the cup! I'll find my keys." Needless to say, that got my attention. I ventured out into the hallway to see if there were any "accidents" on the carpeting. No, but I did find a miniskirt, thong and … paperclip. It's the paperclip that intrigues me most. Any guesses?viagra…

True story

24 September, 2005Posted inObservations26 Comments
Earlier this week my 19 year-old brother was laying in his bedroom trying to take an afternoon nap. He heard the front door open to the apartment. He figured our dad had gotten off work early. He hears the fridge open and close and then he hears someone in the bathroom. Then suddenly he hears this extremely loud pounding. Wondering what the hell my dad is doing my brother jumps up and opens his bedroom door! Only to find a naked woman beating the shit out of my dad's bedroom door (he keeps it locked at all times) The woman…

Watch where you shake that thing!

08 June, 2005Posted inBad Ideas, Observations17 Comments
This is a post for the gentlemen. Brothers, it's time for a lesson in etiquette. As longtime author of Manly Tips for Bachelor Living and creator of the best-selling calendar of the same name, I feel I have at least a modicum of authority. Please, please, for the love of God. If you're at the urinal, put the damn cellphone down and use at least one hand to keep things under control. Some of us prefer to attend meetings without a urine shower, and I'm quite certain your listener could wait another 60 seconds.

Whoops

17 May, 2005Posted inObservations13 Comments
Perhaps in hindsight, the domain name, mp3shits.com might be giving the wrong message for a site called MP3's Hits.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves…

Honeymoon Poem. Finally, a talent equal to Tiny Tim

14 November, 2004Posted inObservations34 Comments
If you've ever had any doubts whether or not Britney Spears has any talent, let me shoot them in the foot right now, then bend those doubts over, give them a knee to the groin, pull their shirt over their head and sweep their legs. Perhaps I am being too harsh. Perhaps it is because I have been watching martial arts movies all morning. I am of course, referring to Britney's "Honeymoon Poem." It is, if I may quote George Bush, "A catastrophic success." Forget all the inane LiveJournal goth poetry you've ever begrudgingly read. This one beats them all.…

Soy vey!

22 June, 2004Posted inObservations, wtf24 Comments
I missed an amazing photo opportunity today. I normally have an uncanny knack for being in the right place at the right time for photo weirdness, but not today. Picture if you will, a rusted and dilapidated Geo, lovingly, but not carefully, hand-painted to resemble a cow. A Holstein, I believe. On the side, a message: "I love my 40mph Geo". I am still unsure whether the writer actually meant 40mpg, or if this is in fact, the top speed attainable by this vehicle (and I use that term loosely). The other side was a true artistic vision. A hastily…