Special Guest Author: Jules OdeNile If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even…

Airhorn during naptime Get out the laser pointer but don't turn it on Place a grocery bag on the floor. When she creeps invariably inside it, scoop the bag up rapidly Itching powder in the cat litter Pour catnip on double-sided tape Force them to watch the entire Wings/Penguins game with you, through triple overtime Shopvacs, circular saws and belt sanders indoors How would you annoy a kitten?

Girl 1: "Have you seen my new tat? I don't think I've seen you since I got it." Girl 2: "No! Lemme see!" [looks at her shoulderblade] Girl 2: "Oh, cool! Is it permanent?" Girl 1: "Yeah… That's kinda the point." Girl 2: "Really? Nothing will wash it off?" Girl 1: [shakes head] Girl 1: "What if you use a really good exfoliant?" Girl 1: "OHMYGODYOUARESUCHAMAJORDORK!"