Recent Effluvia:

1. All police chiefs are balding, pudgy, African-American mustachioed men, 50 years-old with hair-trigger tempers.
2. Police Chiefs are magical creatures that can only be summoned into one of three sacred shrines: a detective’s office, behind the interrogation glass, and the office water cooler. They have not homes, nor spouses nor lives outside of the force. Appease them with offerings of stale donuts and old coffee.
3. Police Chiefs don a mandatory wardrobe consisting of black trousers and a white, striped dress shirt with one silver pen in the pocket and a black necktie. There are no exceptions to this rule.
4. Police Chiefs have the power to suspend detectives and cops without Internal Affairs inquiries or union interference.
5. A Police Chief will always suspect a detective of using violence without bothering to investigate the source of the complaint or taking past performance into account.
6. Police Chief communication is similar to that of the Howler Monkey: loud, ceaseless, and audible from 10 kilometers away.
7. Police Chiefs are notorious for spilling scalding hot coffee on themselves, however they suffer no burns or ill effects later on.
8. Police Chiefs are a gullible lot, easily fooled by puckish detectives who are able to scam them with the most clichéd of tactics.
9. Police Chiefs, as harbingers of death, frequently purchase birthday cakes for detectives. However, the wise detective will shun these baked goods, for once the first bite is taken, that detective will receive a phone call with news that someone close has died.
10. Police Chiefs will invariably have the oldest and messiest desks in the station.
11. Police Chiefs frequently carry hypertension pills for their weak heart, which they will refer to as their bum ticker.
12. In addition to coffee and donuts, Police Chiefs subsist on a strict diet of items purchased from an aging vending machine. Like scavengers, they will occasionally pilfer cold pizza from a desk or a jar of olives from the station refrigerator.
13. A Police Chief will frequently complain his doctor is “getting on my case about my diet,” however, since Chiefs never leave their desks, the possibility of a Police Chief even knowing a doctor is quite slim.

What have you learned about Police Chiefs?