Recent Effluvia:

Man No. 1: “Dude! You are so sunburnt. You’re as red as a pineapple!”
Man No 2: “Pineapples are yellow?”
Man No. 1: Really? I guess I never looked that closely.”

1. “You forgot your M-80s and gasoline.”
2. “Be a dear and go play in the streets.”
3. “You need a louder car stereo. I get nervous when you’re a mile away and I can barely hear you.”
4. “I found the cutest snake in the garden today…”
5. “I’m thinking of redecorating the kitchen in a ‘vampires and spiders’ motif.”
6. “You’re ten years old! Don’t you think it’s time you gave up the comics and started reading porn?”
7. “What kind of daughter did I raise? You’ve slept with four men this week? When I was your age I’d have bagged four men by lunch hour. Slacker.”
8. “Oh, I suppose if all your friends ran out and got jobs, you’d get one too. Can’t you stay home and loaf like your father?”
9. “Your father and I think you need a TV of your own so your sisters won’t change the Playboy Channel on you.”
10. “I don’t care what the teacher says. No boy should start his school day without a beer.”

Chocolate ice cream and red ale? Not so much.