Observations Archives | Page 71 of 73

Overheard: Victoria’s Secret Edition

By Davezilla 10 August, 2004Observations41 Comments

I went to Victoria's Secret with my friend Lisa on Saturday. Long story. Cut to the chase. VS is a pretty good place to hear some interesting conversations. Mother: I can't believe you wore that yellow skirt to the mall. [Daughter is around 15 and wearing a thin yellow mini] I can see your thong right through it. How embarassing. Daughter: … Mother: You know, you don't have to wear anything under it. Overweight wife: [points to a beautiful corset] Oh, isn't that beautiful? I wish I were thin. I would totally wear that. Overweight husband: Oh, but you are…

Thinking outloud

By Davezilla 09 August, 2004Observations31 Comments

Do you think there are any hot babes along the International Date Line? Is it possible to truly have civil disobedience? I buy plenty of finger food, but my hands just never seem hungry. Tuber is one of the silliest words in the English language. Say it outloud about ten or eleven times and you'll agree with me. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal…

“No, George! That’s not what I meant…”

By Davezilla 07 August, 2004Observations21 Comments

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Have a drink on me

By Davezilla 02 August, 2004Observations16 Comments

The next time you're at a drinking establishment and are being served by someone who is obviously new to the job, have a little fun with your order by asking for drinks that sound real, but aren't. Rum and E. coli Toejito Muddy Mary Rhubarb Margarita Dead Russian Boilmaker Mold Fashioned Phillips Head Screwdriver PiÃ±ata Colada Sects on the beach Chocolate Laxative Martini Tapioca Sunrise Slippery IUD Gin and Toxic Manshattan Long Island Iced Pee Cosmopoxitan Vodka and Demonade Slutty Irishman Cobra Libre Jello Salad Shooters Whiskey Sourpuss Beer and Snots Fake Orgasm With help from the lovely Natalie.viagra free…

Ten things that disturb me about the Jolly Green Giant

By Davezilla 31 July, 2004Observations8 Comments

He wears a tattered and threadbare tunic with a brand new red scarf. Isn't aware that green hair is so 1979. Won't let us see what Mrs. Giant looks like. Responsible for the accidental stepping deaths of 23 American farmers each year. His urine stream causes local flooding. The Giant's enormous fingers are the reason for all those dented cans on the shelves. Dandruff often mistaken for major hailstorm. Claims to have never heard of the Chupacabra His scarf is long enough to be one of Christo's works. Little Sprout is always trying to upskirt him.

It’s baddass with the butterfly

By Davezilla 29 July, 2004Observations18 Comments

Enough said

By Davezilla 28 July, 2004Observations23 Comments

Things we’d like to see

By Davezilla 27 July, 2004Observations22 Comments

It is the job of an advertising mascot to amuse us and help us remember a particular product. Unfortunately, most of them serve only to annoy the bejeezus out of us. All week I will be getting out my aggressions on the mascots we've come to hate. I detest the Arby's Oven Mitt and the Hamburger Helper Hand and want to see them turned into a voodoo poppet and hand of glory, respectively. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra…

Roaming Gnome’s latest adventures

By Davezilla 26 July, 2004Observations18 Comments

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Overheard: SPF-45 Edition

By Davezilla 25 July, 2004Observations7 Comments

Man No. 1: "Dude! You are so sunburnt. You're as red as a pineapple!" Man No 2: "Pineapples are yellow?" Man No. 1: Really? I guess I never looked that closely."viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic…

Personality Test

By Davezilla 23 July, 2004Observations22 Comments

Frogs are to cannon balls what Valium is to [blank]. Snowflakes are to Australians what abject poverty is to [blank]. Large, fake breasts are to women what tooth decay is to [blank]. George W. Bush is to meatloaf what Cable TV is to [blank]. John Kerry is to salsa dancing what linguini is to [blank]. Heidi Fleiss is to soup ladles what Turtle Wax is to [blank]. Shrek is to Michael Jackson what sandpaper is to [blank]. Happiness is to fire escapes what measles are to [blank]. Davezilla is to fishcakes what lingerie is to [blank]. Mullets are to merkins…

Things Mother never said

By Davezilla 21 July, 2004Observations19 Comments

"You forgot your M-80s and gasoline." "Be a dear and go play in the streets." "You need a louder car stereo. I get nervous when you're a mile away and I can barely hear you." "I found the cutest snake in the garden today…" "I'm thinking of redecorating the kitchen in a 'vampires and spiders' motif." "You're ten years old! Don't you think it's time you gave up the comics and started reading porn?" "What kind of daughter did I raise? You've slept with four men this week? When I was your age I'd have bagged four men by lunch…