Meet the Americans #1
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Note to self: 5,072
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Note to self: 5,071
Avoid gloating Republicans for the next four years.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra sample what is better viagra or levitra discount…
Rules to live by
Actual rules of thumb from around the country (and a few of my own). YMMV. The year that you begin getting chest hair is the same year the hair on your head will begin to recede faster than the growth rate. (Same rule applies to men.) — MARK RYAN, Dallas, TX Never buy a car with greater horsepower than your IQ. — SCOTT PARKER, Beaumont, TX The better the band, the worse the football team. — TOM LUCAS, Berkeley, CA If you can’t find it on a website in under five minutes, Google it or go somewhere else. — DAVEZILLA…
Phrases I could go the rest of my life without hearing again
“Ohio is this year’s Florida.†[Ohio has beaches and sharks? Cool, that’s only an hour’s drive for me.] “They’re playing this game like they’re running for county sheriff.†[Actually, they’re playing it like they’re running for President] “It’s a dead-heat. Just too close to call.†[What was your first clue?] “Sure the popular vote is important, but let’s not forget that all-important electoral college.†[Yes, you reminded us before the last commercial break.] “Who’s going to win? It’s anyone’s guess.†[My guess is the winner will win. I feel pretty confident with that prediction] “Let’s not call this one just…
America’s Best
Today we get to exercise our right as American citizens once again. That sacred right to choose between the best the country has to offer. Maybe that’s a sad commentary on our times that the best is barely adequate, no matter the choice. That won’t stop me. My choice is already made up. I’ll have a triple venti capuccino.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal…
Complete this sentence #13
The proper way to extinguish a campfire is to first stamp out the __________ with your __________ , and then finish off by dousing it with a generous bucket of __________ .viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk…
Curses!
Now that the Boston Red Sox have finally won the Word Series for the first time since 1918, the Curse of the Bambino has finally been broken. This leads us to an interesting point. Without the yearly ritual of disappointment for Red Sox fans, what will they do with their lives? They no longer have excuses to be the bitter, resentful pathetic sports fans that they are. I propose we fill that void in their lives with new curses. Curse of the BIg Dig: The Big Dig will suffer labor disputes, stalling its completion. It will be resolved in 2018…
Incident at table 14
[SCENE: Mariko sushi restaurant in Toronto] Davezilla: Did you see what just walked in? Natalie: Unfortunately. [15 minutes later] Natalie: I swear I can actually hear her eating! Davezilla: I can, too. Oh Gawd. Don’t turn around. Natalie: What? What’s it doing? Davezilla: Trust me. You do not want to know! Natalie: OK, well tell me when we leave. [15 minutes later] Natalie: You were going to tell me of the horror you witnessed. Davezilla: Gawd. Ready for this? That sound you heard, that was the shrimp tempura being sucked in, two at a time. Natalie: Hold me, Dave!viagra free…
Note to self: 5,069
When you can hear sushi being eaten by someone 15 feet away, assume it will look as disgusting as it sounds and resist the temptation to gawk. [More details on this later. It’s worth it.]viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra…
Yes, Virginia. There is a Spammer Clause
Many of you have been contacting me over the last two weeks because your comments haven’t been going through. The reason it happens is I am part of a top-secret government blogging experiment WordPress uses a blacklist for certain words that spammers seem enjoy. You see, spammers know full well that readers of Davezilla enjoy playing card games without credit checks while having their penises enlarged. And why not? With all those red-hot donkeys and horny Asian hamsters to scrump, readers need a bigger unit. Women, thirsty for non-dairy products, demand it. "But Dave," you say. "If your software is…
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