Note to self: 5,401-5,403

15 January, 2005Posted inObservations17 Comments
When eating a vegetable roll-up that includes Greek hot peppers, avoid the temptation to rub the eyes. Keep the lock de-icer outside the vehicle; not in the glovebox. Don't try to unlock a frozen vehicle while holding a hot coffee. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra…

Complete this sentence #16

14 January, 2005Posted inObservations21 Comments
"When no one is watching, I like to_______ with my mother’s _______."viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra sample what is better…

Horror Films that Never Made it to the Big Screen

13 January, 2005Posted inObservations15 Comments
An American Hamster in London The Texas Pencil Sharpener Massacre A Sort of Bad Dream on Elm Street I Spit on Your Sidewalk Invasion of the Bagel Snatchers The Yapping Night of the Living Slackers HeckBoy The Flair Pen Project Dawn of the Bread I Walked with a Gumby The Evil Spread Silence of the Librarians Stir of Geckos Smellraiser The Six Cents Jacob’s Stepladder 28 Minutes Later Candyland Bride of Frank Sinatra viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra…

Performance

07 January, 2005Posted inObservations14 Comments
No doubt you've seen television commercials for impotence and "male enhancement" drugs, such as Viagra or Enzyte. There is a constant reference to "performance". As if your penis is auditioning for the Theatre of Epidaurus in the Stanislavski Method. I can almost picture the inner workings of the penis' mind as it prepares for its "performance". Brain: Are you ready to do this? Penis: Not really, I mean, what's my motivation? Brain: Well, pussy. I thought that was obvious. Penis: Of course. It's just that … Brain: Yes? Penis: This could be the performance of a lifetime. I really need…

Creepy things to call your lover

06 January, 2005Posted inObservations26 Comments
From Davezilla: My little pancake of pleasure My sweet love salamander My festering kraken of love My thumbtack of desire My little Vaseline vixen My beautiful love-turnip My little sugar booger My sweet love bunion My darling durian of desire You're the stent o' my heart From Natalie: My hairball of loveliness You're my hard, hot peach pit Oh stoat of my heart My bouncy little warthog You're the sweetest allergen in the world! You're sexier than lint, my little spin cycle My snuggly megatherium You devilish little filbert! My irresistible bottom-feeder My delicious sex yak viagra free viagra buy…

Chew what?

05 January, 2005Posted inObservations11 Comments
Far be it from me to make fun of an international tragedy, but I keep hearing people struggling with the word tsunami. Ever since the disaster, I have been collecting all the ways I’ve been hearing it pronounced. Correct pronounciation: [ tsoo nä´ me ] Source: Webster's toot´ suh nä´ me chew mommy shoe nä´ me too nonny tsoo mammy zoo näm´ knee viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online…

This space left intentionally blank

04 January, 2005Posted inObservations27 Comments
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy…

Random Effluvia #47

02 January, 2005Posted inObservations9 Comments
The Japanese have very different outlook than the rest of us. This is a really bad name for networking software. Now you too can enjoy pole dancing in the privacy of your own home. Lions are smarter than you think Hardcore Morris dancers viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra…

By popular request…

01 January, 2005Posted inObservations16 Comments
Because so many of you asked for it, here is a cloyingly cute picture of us. Photo by the inimitable Rannie.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india…

2005 New Year’s Resolutions

31 December, 2004Posted inObservations27 Comments
I promise not to roll my cats in powdered cheese. I will not randomly dial extensions at work and tell coworkers they've been let go. I resolve not to post any pictures of myself in a thong. I promise not to mistake cat laxatives for toothpaste at my GF's house. I will not invite Shannen Doherty and Danny Bonaduce over for weekenders anymore. I resolve to cover your voles in glitter! I promise to finish building my Tiki palace (You think I'm kidding). I promise not to mistake Starr Jones for a passing Goodyear Blimp. I promise to visit at…