Overheard: 9th Graders Gone Wild Edition

[ Scene: Coffeehouse counter, two 9th grade girls are flirting with the barista, a man as gay as a French Horn ]

Girl #1: “Can you believe this? She [ points to Girl #2 ] isn’t even wearing underpants and it’s like um, fucking minus a hundred?”
Girl #2: “I fuckin’ never wear panties. Shit, no. They’re so รขโ‚ฌยฆ confining. Y’know? See? No tanlines. [ Girl #2 actually pulled down her camo cargo pants, flashing underage girly bits to an apathetic coffeehouse. I was one of only two patrons that seemed horrified. ]
Barista: “Uh huh, very sexy.”
Girl #2: Dooooood! I fuckin’ never wear panties. You should see me at parties. I be showing my ass all over da class.”
Girl #1: “She does. I seen her.”
Girl #2: “Remember when we like, made out last Friday?”
Barista: [ raises an eyebrow ] “You two don’t seem like sisters to me.”
Girl #1: “We’re not even related dude. Ha! We don’t even look alike.”
Barista: “That’s not what I meant by sisters, kiddo.”
Girl #1: “Do not fucking call me kiddo.”
Barista: “Whatever you say, Ellie Mae.”
Girl #1: “I got my black thong on. Wanna see? [ turning to the entire room, grinning and preparing to unzip ]
Barista: “Not particularly.”
Girl #1: “Why not? You checked out her junk.”
Barista: “[ sigh ] I don’t date girls, OK? Hello? Gay? Earth to twelve year-olds!”
Girl #1: “Dude. Shu’th’fuckup! You’re a butt pirate?”
Girl #2: “Shhhhh! You’re too cute to be gay.”
Barista: “No, I’m too cute to be straight.”
Girl #1: “Gross. I’m sooooo outta here.”
Girl #2: “Dude, I just showed my pussy to a fag.”

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  1. Lace Valentine

    Girls should never use the word “Dude,” and if they must, not so much.

  2. kaity

    These children are the future of Maury’s “Who’s my baby’s daddy” specials.

  3. Wow, just wow.

    It’s been so long since I’ve been around teenagers, I’ve forgotten how they act.

  4. Esther

    I may have been the most boring teenager on the planet many moons ago, but now I don’t feel so bad about it.:neutral:

  5. When I was 12-13, I was still trying to figure out why I was supposed to like males of my species, let alone showing gay ones my naughty bits.

  6. Anna

    ~sigh~ I’m old.

  7. Poofles

    McDonalds has added some kind of slut gene to the hamburgers :wtf:

  8. Let’s see… age 14: thongs were ugly shoes worn hippies and surfers.

  9. Spud

    All I read was … blah blah blah blahddy blah blah commando blah blah blah blahddy blah blah.


  10. Mandy

    You must be reading a different post, Spud. Quit surfing one-handed. :wang: ๐Ÿ˜›

  11. Mandy

    Also, is this all part of the 70s revival? My brother tells me girls were skanky in the 70s, got prudish in the 80s from the AIDS epidemic and are slowly coming full circle. So to speak.

  12. Spud

    I’m not old enough for two handed surfing.


  13. frisko

    Consider what the girls influence is. Poor Barista had to have his retenas burned with junior muff shots, and then be called names. The girls are glad I was not witness. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

  14. ReV.JeLLyBaBy

    It’s a sad state of affairs when girls show their naughty bits to the uninterested.

    P.S I’m not wearing any either, but then again I’m drinking my coffee indoors.


  15. Dude, I just showed my pussy to a fag.

    Sounds like SHEMALE talk to me.

    And me, I am just too cute as well… but I’m straight! honest! :limp:

  16. mikeB

    Totally misread the last line as “I shaved my pussy for a fag”. Time for coffee. :wtf:

  17. Your Mother


  18. A triumvate of terrificness

    Halogen – Halo conversion for Command and Conquer. I don’t play the latter, but it looks sweet anyway.
    Study: Watching Fewer Than Four Hours Of TV A Day Impairs Ability To Ridicule Pop Culture – This was my greatest fear when cancelling my Direc…

  19. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

    That is horrifying. I want to take my 5 year old son to a deserted island far away from the society in which we live. :wtf:

  20. True Freak

    This makes me fear the aging of my 11 year old daughter. ๐Ÿ˜•

  21. Words fail me. !:

    Oh, and Esther I am right there with you – boring adolescence and all.

  22. Cheap Date

    Maybe their mothers tell them they don’t HAVE to wear underwear with their miniskirts while they are shopping in Victoria’s Secret. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

  23. TinaMarie

    My daughter just turned 13, and her response to this edition of “Overheard” was “Gross! What a bunch of skanks!”

    Wise beyond her years, that one is.

  24. Esther

    Indeed, TinaMarie, and thank goodness!

  25. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!

    That like, makes me feel all old and shit …

    … and like, it makes me really miss workin’ at Starbucks…

    … and like, I gotta like, you know … go to RO … and stuff … like, kinda soon, ya know?

  26. Julie

    The Barista rules for calling that trashy girl “Ellie Mae” :lol:.

  27. Are you sure this wasn’t on South Park?:lol:

  28. Anna

    See comment nr. 12 were Mandy called me (as a 70s kid) skanky …. it’s the truth though, we were.

  29. no clue

    They must have been black:cool:”yo(?) wazzup”? Or southern…teach your children not to say dis, dat or doze, “th” are letters too, just dying to be recognized by the ebonixers, and jivers(you 70’s hippies) ๐Ÿ˜›

  30. bart

    ahh the crude coming on lines of the early years,
    it was customary to make your hand in a cupped shape
    and press it in between the cheeks of my female class mates.
    I am supprised we didn’t get our lips smacked off
    of our faces!:eek::eek:
    God knows we deserved it,

  31. Mung Beetle


  32. Anonymous


  33. Rakka

    :undies: I laughed my arse off at that. Mad gay guy, was just happy that he was gay not a dirty old pe… yeah. But that’s kinda sh*t girls turning into that today ..

  34. Janell

    I can relate… my coffee night is thursdays, right around the time when the local gymnastics kids are done. The average age is 12.

    girl_1: um i know what i want, i get it every time… im practically a regular.

    girl_2: well i want something different i think i need to get non fat decaf because this belly is just not going away as much as i try and my ass is busting out of these bootie shorts.

    Lets see, *thinks back* I was swinging from my grandma’s willow tree when I was 12… hoping she wouldnt know I just threw a frog into the chicken coop to die.

  35. roger

    รขโ‚ฌล“Why not? You checked out her junk.รขโ‚ฌย :wtf: Gotta love the lingo.
    And I’ve got a four year old that’s definitely going to be taught by TinaMarie’s 13 yo daughter.

Comments are closed