Bleach won’t clean the mental stains

Perhaps I'm just a bad man, but I still find it amusing when innocent people are put into terribly uncomfortable situations. Yesterday I had so much laundry to do that I decided to go to a laundromat and use those washers that are large enough to wash a convertible Mini Cooper. Two elderly ladies were there discussing church and giving disapproving looks to a young woman who had on a pair of jeans sized for a much smaller woman. I ignored them and kept working on my huge load. So to speak. About fifteen minutes later, I heard two shrieks…

Note to Self: 5,155

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Complete this sentence #19

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Cheers?

I saw an ad for Budweiser Select, allegedly a premium version. Isn't this a bit like asking for Dog Poop Deluxe?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india…

The wit and wisdom of my girlfriend, Natalie

First we nap. Then I crush your spirit. It's like marshmallow, but hard. I got water in my eye from your ass. I am making dinner. It has delicious cheesy goodness. I'm trying to lure you into trusting me. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples…

Note to Self: 5,139

Let us assume from here on out that when silverware must be pried from a table, it's time to wipe the table.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from…

Just a thought

You know how dolphins are capable of using their sonar to herd shoals of fish into tight balls to attack and eat? I wish I could do that with dust bunnies and lint. Except for the eating part.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying…

Complete this sentence #18

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Several pricks

An elementary school class started a class project to make a planter to take home to their parents. They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants. The students were given green ware pottery planters in the shape of a clown, which they painted with glaze. The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process. It was great fun. They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely but unfortunately the children were not allowed to take…

A day in the life of God

4:30 AM Alarm goes off. Hit snooze twice. 4:48 AM Drag feet out of bed. Trip over Catholic martyrs who have been groveling at feet all night. 4:51 AM Wait for morning erection to subside. 4:59 AM Take a pee over North America. Giggle as Canadians mistake it for acid rain again. 5:12 AM Take shower. Runoff water floods small Pacific Island. Oops. 6:02 AM Scrub back with a 90 foot loofah. Skin flakes fall over starving Ethiopians who mistake them for manna. 8:33 AM Got the hiccups. Americans mistakenly assume the sound is from North Korean bomb tests and…

This is not a test

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Unusual names and invisible friends

Heather Champ mentioned her dogs' full names in a contest yesterday: Chieka Ciquita Banana Boom Boom Powazek Champ and Bugsley Dante Alphonso P-Pants Champ Powazek. Such clever and descriptive names. The names reminded me of one of my sisters, who had an imaginary friend as a child. Her imaginary friend's name was Penny Pipperdoodle and she lived in our bathroom fan. Naturally, she was quite offended whenever the fan was turned on, as it spun everything in Penny's "house" around. Why, it would take Penny and her 17 siblings several hours to set things aright! How about you? Any imaginary…