A day in the life of God

4:30 AM Alarm goes off. Hit snooze twice.

4:48 AM Drag feet out of bed. Trip over Catholic martyrs who have been groveling at feet all night.

4:51 AM Wait for morning erection to subside.

4:59 AM Take a pee over North America. Giggle as Canadians mistake it for acid rain again.

5:12 AM Take shower. Runoff water floods small Pacific Island. Oops.

6:02 AM Scrub back with a 90 foot loofah. Skin flakes fall over starving Ethiopians who mistake them for manna.

8:33 AM Got the hiccups. Americans mistakenly assume the sound is from North Korean bomb tests and send a pre-emptive strike on Kim Jong Il.

12:30 PM Went out for sushi. Had 6 Blue Whale Rolls and Giant Squid Sashimi.

2:14 PM Moved some Cretaceous fossils to the Devonian strata to mess with the paleontologists again. April Fools!

5:10 PM Overheard skeptics doubting my existence again. Decide to appear in a cloud over St. Petersburg and on a piece of roti in New Delhi.

6:19 PM Still peeved about skeptics. Create only one specimen of a new species of talking jellyfish. Place it in poor fisherman’s net. Arrange for it to die five minutes before camera crews arrive.

8:59 PM Write a new “missing gospel” and bury it in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

free viagra
buy viagra online
generic viagra
how does viagra work
cheap viagra
buy viagra
buy viagra online inurl
viagra 6 free samples
viagra online
viagra for women
viagra side effects
female viagra
natural viagra
online viagra
cheapest viagra prices
herbal viagra
alternative to viagra
buy generic viagra
purchase viagra online
free viagra without prescription
viagra attorneys
free viagra samples before buying
buy generic viagra cheap
viagra uk
generic viagra online
try viagra for free
generic viagra from india
fda approves viagra
free viagra sample
what is better viagra or levitra
discount generic viagra online
viagra cialis levitra
viagra dosage
viagra cheap
viagra on line
best price for viagra
free sample pack of viagra
viagra generic
viagra without prescription
discount viagra
gay viagra
mail order viagra
viagra inurl
generic viagra online paypal
generic viagra overnight
generic viagra online pharmacy
generic viagra uk
buy cheap viagra online uk
suppliers of viagra
how long does viagra last
viagra sex
generic viagra soft tabs
generic viagra 100mg
buy viagra onli
generic viagra online without prescription
viagra energy drink
cheapest uk supplier viagra
viagra cialis
generic viagra safe
viagra professional
viagra sales
viagra free trial pack
viagra lawyers
over the counter viagra
best price for generic viagra
viagra jokes
buying viagra
viagra samples
viagra sample
generic cialis
cheapest cialis
buy cialis online
buying generic cialis
cialis for order
what are the side effects of cialis
buy generic cialis
what is the generic name for cialis
cheap cialis
cialis online
buy cialis
cialis side effects
how long does cialis last
cialis forum
cialis lawyer ohio
cialis attorneys
cialis attorney columbus
cialis injury lawyer ohio
cialis injury attorney ohio
cialis injury lawyer columbus
prices cialis
cialis lawyers
viagra cialis levitra
cialis lawyer columbus
online generic cialis
daily cialis
cialis injury attorney columbus
cialis attorney ohio
cialis cost
cialis professional
cialis super active
how does cialis work
what does cialis look like
cialis drug
viagra cialis
cialis to buy new zealand
cialis without prescription
free cialis
cialis soft tabs
discount cialis
cialis generic
generic cialis from india
cheap cialis sale online
cialis daily
cialis reviews
cialis generico
how can i take cialis
cheap cialis si
cialis vs viagra
generic levitra
levitra attorneys
what is better viagra or levitra
viagra cialis levitra
levitra side effects
buy levitra
levitra online
levitra dangers
how does levitra work
levitra lawyers
what is the difference between levitra and viagra
levitra versus viagra
which works better viagra or levitra
buy levitra and overnight shipping
levitra vs viagra
canidan pharmacies levitra
how long does levitra last
viagra cialis levitra
levitra acheter
comprare levitra
levitra ohne rezept
levitra 20mg
levitra senza ricetta
cheapest generic levitra
levitra compra
cheap levitra
levitra overnight
levitra generika
levitra kaufen


  1. Spud

    Jesus Mary & Joeseph! whatever will the neighbours think?

  2. Mandy

    Thank [god] he didn’t scratch his balls 😕

  3. Wil

    “Moved some Cretaceous fossils to the Devonian strata to mess with the paleontologists again.”
    Brilliant, Dave.

  4. 9:03pm Afternoon sushi causing late evening flatulence. Gas causes stir in atlantic resulting in hurricanes that wipe out the entire state of Florida.

  5. 8:00 PM Poker Night with Buddha, Allah, Yaweh, Jim Jones, and David Koresh. :dead:


  6. Poofles

    😀 Merth! that was awesome!

  7. ladybug

    ummm…only problem i see is that women don’t have morning erections

  8. Oh I wasn’t writing about REAL God, Ladybug; just the cartoon version in the OT.

  9. CJ

    11:05 A.M. Saturday— Send Jehovah Witnesses by Dave’s Place. Have a good laugh

  10. CJ

    In response to Ladybugs comment about women don’t have mornig erections. I agree especially the ugly ones.

  11. mikeB

    12:10 Take a dump. California sinks into the Pacific. :dead:

  12. Esther

    Word up, ladybug.:kiss:

  13. That was brilliant! I give that post :undies::undies::undies::undies::undies:



  14. Just like me, the Almighty just doesn’t have time to take a dump…


  15. God

    Jaysus Christ! That was fucken hilarious!

  16. TinaMarie

    Wonder what God does between 8:33am and 12:30pm?

    He watches Maury Povich, Montel Williams, and Jerry Springer.

    Proof positive that God has a sense of humor.

  17. SomethingWitty

    The other day a friend of mine said “if god exists he’s a motherfucker” …i tend to agree

  18. Spud

    It was pretty bloody funny anyhow.

    7 vstars Dave


  19. God (Ethanael)

    Whacking off in the ocean and laughing as people thought it was a new sea bacteria. That’s what I was doing between 8:33 and 12:30.

Comments are closed