Category: Observations
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Stores that never made it
I told Nikki that a popcorn store opened in Royal Oak. Her response was as always, subtle and understated. “Get the fuck out. Who needs a popcorn store?” Naturally, I responded that, “I do.” Then we had a giggle fit thinking of other useless stores that one might encounter in a dying strip mall. The…
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New Year, New Look
Please don’t chastise me for going all Web 2.0 on you, dear readers. It’s all in the name of usability and user experience. My dear friend, CrazyHoh modded this theme for me and I love it. Same toys as before, but a new paintjob. Comment link is now by the title. You’ve been warned. Links…
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Worst things to do in a library
Using epoxy or Velcro, affix dozens of books all over yourself. Run through the library screaming Feign lycanthropy Ask loudly where the erotica section is Bring a webcam, hook it up to a public computer and do a striptease Sprinkle sneezing powder on all the reference books Ask the librarian if the copy machine will…
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Fake foods that should not be
Spray Cheese Canned Sausage. The power of Christ compels you! Boxed Wine. Wrong, wrong wrong. Squeeze Mayo and Margarine Spray Cooking Oils Goober Tofurkey Mac & Cheese Loaf. Makes the Baby Jesus cry. Instant Mashed Potatoes. Come on. How lazy can you be? What fake foods freak you out? Guest author: Natalie viagra free viagra…
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Notes to Self: No. 6,304
The next time you spill coffee on your expensive Irish cableknit sweater, do not use a red Christmas nakpin to mop it up. Now it has a permanent, red smear covering the permanent, brown coffee stain.
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More people we dislike #14a
Women in front of me at the airport Xray who wear knee-high lace-up boots People who try to parallel park while on the cell phone The coworker who ate the last bagel before I got one People who suck at life
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Complete this Sentence, #34
“That’s the last time I take a vacation to __________ with a couple o’ __________ .” viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest…
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2007 New Years Resolutions
Longtime readers of this site will know that I always post my resolutions and that I try to only make resolutions I know I can keep. Such as not reverting to cannibalism. I’d love to hear yours. I resolve to freely give the finger to clowns, mimes and Hummer drivers I resolve to openly point…
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Inventions I’d like to see
They can make copiers that can run 500 documents at 120 pages per minute, so why can’t they make a vending machine that accepts a wrinkly dollar bill? Can we make microwaves that read the barcodes on microwave popcorn and reset their own timers so they don’t burn when idiot coworkers set them for 13…
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Time off for good behavior
OK kids, I am off to the wilds of Canada for a few days. I really need it. Have a great holiday! The humor will resume on Thursday, December 28th. Please leave your peculiar aristocratic titles (see today’s link) in the comments! viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap…
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Why?
It’s a well-established biological fact that women are the superior gender. They use both sides of their brains more often than males, live longer, can handle more pain, yada yada. For the most part, it’s clear that women are generally a lot smarter than men, too. Except once in a while, women go all stupid…
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Worst things to find in your Xmas stocking
Apple sauce A human head Last year’s fruitcake Scoliosis TEH crab A porcupine Rumfeld’s still beating heart Global Warming Jacko’s prosthetic nose tip What don’t you want to find in your stocking? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free…
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