Friday Question #3
If you could have a soundtrack play whenever you entered a room, what would it be?
Bye-bye, sumbitch
Bush leaves the Oval Office today and in completely unrelated news, a feces-throwing monkey is on the loose.
I shit you not
I travel for work a lot and my kittens have not been too happy about it. Last night, I figured I would make it up to them. I gave them catnip, brushed them, played with them for nearly two hours and told them they could sleep on the bed with me. The older one (Z) was clearly happy with this arrangement. Ninja, however, was wound up and hyperactive. All night he ran around, knocking over anything that wasn't nailed down. So I locked him out of my bedroom. For the entire night. He wasn't too happy about that. You should…
Things I Learned from Movies, Ninjas
Modern Ninjas are generally six foot-tall white or Asian males, unmarried, who live on islands working as bodyguards for evil, French billionaires. Guard dogs cannot kill or overpower Ninjas, no matter how large or well-trained. Ninjas are not only silent — they’re mute from birth. They moonlight as mimes. Orphaned, white teenagers invariably become better at Ninjitsu than the 80 year-old Japanese masters who taught them. Ninja clans can hold grudges longer than the Middle East. Ninjas frequently hold practice sessions in abandoned New York warehouses that somehow still have electricity, but no rat or roach problems. Ninjas inevitably meet…
Things I Learned from Movies, Serial Killers
If you inherit a mansion, it will be haunted by a murderous ghost. You will not be notified of this until at least three people with you have died. If your family owns a cabin, it will be in an area far from civilization, off a road that never made it to any map. Teenage sex attracts serial killers and cannibals. If you stab a serial killer, you will only be able to stab him just above the collarbone—an area that neither hurts him, not affects his ability to use his arm. While the skin of a serial killer can…
Friday Saturday Question #2
A day late, but I did post yesterday. If it was any bigger, would it break the bank? And here's another question from Mandy (Locke, not MandyFish). "the girls who read your blog self-refer to ourselves as zilla girls. i never hear the boys call themselves zilla boys. i have a suggestion. since we're like your posse, would could be like villains, but you know "zillains". Zillains. I like it. What do you all think? If you re in favor of it, I will start a Cafe Press store for Zillain swag.
How to sit through an all-day meeting
8:00AM: Listen attentively. Take fastidious notes that would put a science reporter to shame. 9:00AM: Tap chin with pen while slightly lifting brows to appear highly engrossed. 10:00AM: Take a relaxed sidelong glance at the clock for no reason. Notice a thirst developing. 10:15AM: Finally let out for a 15 minute break. Crack a joke about bladder control with coworker, grab another coffee and cringe when team leader says time's up. 11:38PM: Stare incessantly at clock waiting for lunch hour. 12:00PM: Turn white-faced in horror when team leader announces that we should "really go till 12:30 to get through as…
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