Things I Learned from Movies, Ninjas

  1. Modern Ninjas are generally six foot-tall white or Asian males, unmarried, who live on islands working as bodyguards for evil, French billionaires.
  2. Guard dogs cannot kill or overpower Ninjas, no matter how large or well-trained.
  3. Ninjas are not only silent β€” they’re mute from birth. They moonlight as mimes.
  4. Orphaned, white teenagers invariably become better at Ninjitsu than the 80 year-old Japanese masters who taught them.
  5. Ninja clans can hold grudges longer than the Middle East.
  6. Ninjas frequently hold practice sessions in abandoned New York warehouses that somehow still have electricity, but no rat or roach problems.
  7. Ninjas inevitably meet their end fighting in death matches held by their evil, French billionaire bosses.
  8. Despite their secrecy, Ninjas are actually quite easy to encounter or hire.
  9. When it comes to the discriminating, evil French billionaire, an army of Ninjas is the preferred weapon of choice over nuclear weapons, computer viruses, bio-terrorism or rabid Yorkies.

What have you learned about Ninjas?


  1. Spud

    All ninja’s are death machines.

    Ninja’s can dodge bullets.

    Ninja’s can leap up and backwards 4 floors in the blink of an eye.

    All ninja’s carry 43,000 throwing stars as standard kit.

    Ninja’s can travel upwards of 30mph underwater and stay under for at least 15 minutes and possess super human strength and speed whilst underwater.

    There are good ninja’s and bad ninja’s, usually cleverly defined by wearing black or white.

  2. tony

    Not only do the orphaned teenagers become better than the masters who trained them. They learn everything in a few months. Where it took the master a life time to learn. (Is this why we only see white guys breaking into occupied homes on those home burglar alarm tv ads?)

  3. Ninjas are only badass in ninja movies.
    Ninjas are the asian variation of henchmen in a Spy movie.
    Ninja are a Kung-Fu master’s arch enemy, Kung-fu master’s parents always get kill by a ninja.
    Ninjas and space alien can not co-exist in a film.
    Ninja can dodge bullets, but can’t avoid a punch.

    I want to see a ninja in……
    there is a need for ninja in every chick flick
    there is a need for ninja in a mob drama
    there is a need for ninja in a zombie apocalypse movie

  4. Patrick

    re: Pan flute- Granny, izzatyu? :wtf:

  5. Turtles can be ninjas too, but will be named after Renaissance artists. πŸ˜›

  6. Flash Gordon

    Tampon pan flutes are nothing. My cousin Mergatroy and I made a calliope
    out of tampons. It caused much comment at the Tennessee State Fair. :wtf: πŸ™‚ πŸ‘Ώ :knickers:

  7. If one of the ninjas is over 300 pounds, it’s either a comedy or he’s gonna die first…

  8. ReV.JellYBaby

    Hey all!

    If you injure a ninja?

    Have you “ninjured” them?

    Thats all I have to say on this matter………

    P.s If you kick a samurai in the balls and theres no-one around to hear…………Does he make a sound?

    πŸ˜‰ Luv Ya!


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